(Note: For this post to make sense, you need to read the preceding post, "And now, a word from the dark side...)
Hey there, DS (formerly known as me), I was wondering when you would crawl out of your hole.
Oh, yes, I got your note. Read it several times.
I've got one thing to tell you.
Go. to. Hell.
Things have changed since the day Sweetie asked me to join her in that room.
A number of things have changed, and for the better.
I am lighter. I am more flexible. I think I am physically stronger. I KNOW I am mentally stronger (perhaps not by much, but it will come).
Yes, it is difficult. Yes, it is torture at times. Yes, it is the most difficult thing I've ever tried. Why?
It works. It is working. It will continue to work if I allow it to.
And I intend to continue, whether you like it or not.
I realize there are days or moments when you will rise up and bitch at me. From time to time, you will win a battle, as you have lately with my diet, and the occasional smoke.
However, listen closely.
I will win the war.
There will be more classes, and you will bend to my will. (Notice that right after your note, I dragged your dead ass right back into the room for two straight days. Notice, also, that those were the two best classes in more than a month. I gave you no chance to flop, to sit out, to run screaming from the room.)
Oh, and don't worry. There will be more challenges, inside and outside the room. As soon as I can, we are going to attempt a 10-day mini challenge, then maybe a 20 or 30. The full 60 day struggle will have to wait. For now. As for outside the room, how about facing down a lifelong fear or two. Trying acupuncture? Getting some ink? Perhaps swimming lessons? Maybe taking a trip by airplane? You know we will probably have to fly to go to teacher training.... Relax, that is only a dream... at least for now.
So, enjoy those quick, small victories. Enjoy them while you can.
Yes, I'm worried. Scared. At times, I am downright terrified of what may happen or where I may end up.
But I'll never be alone, will I?
You will be right there with me, every step of the way.
Enjoy!!
Namaste.
57
13 June 2011
08 June 2011
And now, a word from the dark side....
Hey.
Hey, Mark.
It's me... you know, the guy you were before you started this insanity.
The guy who loved nothing better than pounding cheeseburgers and pizza, and washing them down with liters and liters of Dr. Pepper or Coke. The guy who would inhale potato chips or cheese curls while sitting for hours in front of your gaming console, stopping only to go out and enjoy a fine cigarette. Or two.
You do remember me, don't you? The guy who would toss back a couple of beers (or more), plus a couple of shots (or more)? The guy who thought that runners were weird (I mean, really, you run and run and run, and you're not really going anywhere, you're just tiring yourself out). The guy who never understood how someone could work out in a gym for two hours, or swim three miles, or hit a silly punching bag.
And God forbid you try anything like yoga. Those yoga people are true freaks -- tree-hugging, soy-eating, tattooed freaks who bend their bodies in unfathomable ways. Just looking at them made you feel uncomfortable!
So, what happened, buddy? Where have you gone? Off the deep end?
Ok, I can understand. It was new, it was different. It has also been a pain in the ass!! I mean, those classes are really hard! It's so friggin' hot in there!! Not only that, you did something called a challenge: 52 classes in 60 days! I thought that was ridiculous in itself, but then you did it AGAIN!! Insane!! I was so glad when you had to stop going for that six months -- I thought sanity had prevailed. Imagine my horror, then, when the studio called looking for work-study people. You never gave me a chance to put in my two cents, you just hauled off and went right on back without any chance for me to shout you down. So, once again, I am put through this hell two, three, sometimes five times in a week!!
And for what?
You make me drink so much water or Gatorade -- I want a soda!
You make me eat vegetables and, God forbid, fruit! At least you don't eat a lot of that yet.
You drag me into that oven, bend me, stretch me, and make me sweat and sweat and sweat.
You force me to breathe that hot, humid, nasty air.
WHY???
It doesn't have to be this way. Let's be reasonable about this.
You don't really have to do this anymore.
I know you lost 45 pounds, and you are a bit more flexible and all that.
I don't care.
Let's go back to the way it used to be. No more of this foolishness.
No more spending all day trying to get three or four liters of water down your throat.
No more eating better.
No more sacrificing two hours of your day for this madness.
Let's go get that ice cold Coke. And a couple of burgers.
Let's not worry about how you will fit in three classes this week. Let's watch TV or play games.
You can do it. I know you can. I've been watching.
I've seen you give in from time to time. Fast-food breakfast here. Candy bar there.
And yes, I've seen you have a smoke from time to time. It's once a week, for now, isn't it?
I've watched you crumble in that room, too. Laying out for long stretches of class, or leaving the room altogether -- what's wrong Mark? Can't take it anymore, buddy? I notice that once the postures start, you're having a really hard time looking in the mirror at your own two eyes, or your knee, or anything else. You stare at the floor (or the ceiling when you're on your back, which is happening more and more often). Your muscles scream and your body feels limp (that's my doing -- it seems to be the only way I can get your attention). You have trouble hearing the instructor because I am there, whispering to you, "It doesn't have to be this way. You don't have to do this to us.... Let's quit."
So, come on! Let's get that pack of smokes, a giant pizza, and a 12-pack of soda. Let's fire up the Playstation, or watch the ballgame. Let's not have anymore of this lunacy.
No one needs to know.
It will be our little secret.....
Take your time. I'll be here.
26 May 2011
H2O
It was a beautiful morning here in North Texas. Not a cloud in the sky, light breeze, temperature in the high 50's (13-15C). I mention this because it will probably be the last really cool morning around here for a while. Like, until October. The weather is warming; summer is on the way, and proper hydration becomes even more important - Bikram or no Bikram.
Before I started practicing this yoga, I lived mainly on sodas, coffee, and energy drinks. Water was rarely consumed in its pure form. When I started my practice in April 2009, that lack of water became painfully evident in a very short time. I started by drinking two or three liters of water each day.
Not enough. So, I would drink four liters per day.
Still not enough. Some days, five liters wasn't enough. For the first week of my first Challenge, I was downing almost SIX liters of water each day. I drank so much water I thought I would drown. A few days later I actually had to leave class to use the facilities, something that never happened before. After that class, my instructor said, "Your body is now properly hydrated. You can back off a bit now and see just how much water you need."
Now I'm not going to bore anyone with how to figure out your proper water intake -- you can find that anywhere, or ask your physician or dietician. However, I am curious about a couple of things:
* How much water do you take into the room? For me, it is a one liter bottle. For some, I see half-liter bottles, or those big mugs that keep their ice water cold.
* Is it cool, cold, or frozen? During the cooler months, I have been able to simply wrap my bottle in my hand towel to keep it cool enough throughout class. Today, however, I have resumed the ritual of freezing my water bottle. About 90 minutes before class, I take it out, wrap it in my towel, and throw it in my bag. By Eagle pose, it has melted enough for me to drink some. Now, I understand that this is a controversial practice for some: that having that frozen bottle is a distraction or a crutch. However, when the thermometer is nearing triple digits outside, the chamber becomes even hotter and just being able to clutch that icy cold bottle allows me to stay in that cauldron.
* Special to those who have gone through (or are working their way through) teacher training: How much more fluid do you consume during training versus at home in your regular practice?
* Finally, it has been difficult for me to drink enough water during the winter months simply because I rarely feel thirsty when I'm cold (plus the coffee is SOOOOOO good on a cold day). This week, I have met my four liter goal on three out of five days. Small wonder that my last two classes have been much better than the past month! Does anyone else have this problem? How do you combat it?
********************************
As I mentioned, my last two classes have been pretty decent. My current favorite posture is Eagle -- I am able to hook my foot around my leg more and more and I am beginning to really feel things open up. My least favorite (aside from Triangle)? Awkward, 2nd part. I just cannot get up on my toes and stay there, and I'm not sure whether I'm supposed to stand on the balls of my feet, or all the way up on my toes. I must ask tonight. As for Triangle, I know I'm not taking a wide enough step to start, which makes it even more difficult. Slowly, but surely, I am trying. I think the biggest change over the last two classes is that I'm NOT THINKING. I was just listening and trying to match my body to the words -- I was amazed at how fast the Standing Series went by....
Finally, I am rethinking this 200 class "goal". I have found that I think about that number too much. When I miss a day, I get upset because the math gets tougher -- you know: 150 classes with 185 days to go. Just adds pressure that I don't need -- and does nothing but interfere with my practice AND my life outside the room. I will still go as much as I can, but I'm not going to go insane if I don't get to that number.
No judgements, no expectations.
Time to get set for class. Hope you have a great class!!
Peace.
50.
Before I started practicing this yoga, I lived mainly on sodas, coffee, and energy drinks. Water was rarely consumed in its pure form. When I started my practice in April 2009, that lack of water became painfully evident in a very short time. I started by drinking two or three liters of water each day.
Not enough. So, I would drink four liters per day.
Still not enough. Some days, five liters wasn't enough. For the first week of my first Challenge, I was downing almost SIX liters of water each day. I drank so much water I thought I would drown. A few days later I actually had to leave class to use the facilities, something that never happened before. After that class, my instructor said, "Your body is now properly hydrated. You can back off a bit now and see just how much water you need."
Now I'm not going to bore anyone with how to figure out your proper water intake -- you can find that anywhere, or ask your physician or dietician. However, I am curious about a couple of things:
* How much water do you take into the room? For me, it is a one liter bottle. For some, I see half-liter bottles, or those big mugs that keep their ice water cold.
* Is it cool, cold, or frozen? During the cooler months, I have been able to simply wrap my bottle in my hand towel to keep it cool enough throughout class. Today, however, I have resumed the ritual of freezing my water bottle. About 90 minutes before class, I take it out, wrap it in my towel, and throw it in my bag. By Eagle pose, it has melted enough for me to drink some. Now, I understand that this is a controversial practice for some: that having that frozen bottle is a distraction or a crutch. However, when the thermometer is nearing triple digits outside, the chamber becomes even hotter and just being able to clutch that icy cold bottle allows me to stay in that cauldron.
* Special to those who have gone through (or are working their way through) teacher training: How much more fluid do you consume during training versus at home in your regular practice?
* Finally, it has been difficult for me to drink enough water during the winter months simply because I rarely feel thirsty when I'm cold (plus the coffee is SOOOOOO good on a cold day). This week, I have met my four liter goal on three out of five days. Small wonder that my last two classes have been much better than the past month! Does anyone else have this problem? How do you combat it?
********************************
As I mentioned, my last two classes have been pretty decent. My current favorite posture is Eagle -- I am able to hook my foot around my leg more and more and I am beginning to really feel things open up. My least favorite (aside from Triangle)? Awkward, 2nd part. I just cannot get up on my toes and stay there, and I'm not sure whether I'm supposed to stand on the balls of my feet, or all the way up on my toes. I must ask tonight. As for Triangle, I know I'm not taking a wide enough step to start, which makes it even more difficult. Slowly, but surely, I am trying. I think the biggest change over the last two classes is that I'm NOT THINKING. I was just listening and trying to match my body to the words -- I was amazed at how fast the Standing Series went by....
Finally, I am rethinking this 200 class "goal". I have found that I think about that number too much. When I miss a day, I get upset because the math gets tougher -- you know: 150 classes with 185 days to go. Just adds pressure that I don't need -- and does nothing but interfere with my practice AND my life outside the room. I will still go as much as I can, but I'm not going to go insane if I don't get to that number.
No judgements, no expectations.
Time to get set for class. Hope you have a great class!!
Peace.
50.
24 May 2011
Inspiration
I have a longer post in the works but I haven't had time to finish it. Instead, as I get ready to go to class tonight, I wanted to share a couple of things that have inspired me over the last few days.
First, on a personal level, I had the opportunity last week to attend an academic awards program for my sweetie's daughter. She and her brother are graduating high school and she is off to university this fall to study chemical engineering. As each of the students were announced, the host shared with us the students background and future plans. Needless to say, all of these students rank among the highest in their class, and all have big dreams. One of the young women honored had started the school year five weeks late due to open heart surgery. She was able to not only catch up with her classmates but excel in her classes! I wondered at what determination that took. Difficult to fathom, but a lesson on setting your goals and realizing them.
Second, while enjoying the pro golfers' annual visit to town at Colonial, we saw a man who has been very inspiring to a great many people for several years. DJ Gregory suffers from cerebral palsy. However, he has not let this deter him from his dreams -- one of which was to walk all four rounds of each tournament on the PGA schedule. Since 2008, he has done so. Early Friday evening, after rain had suspended play, we were sitting in the stands at the 8th green, watching the last few groups attempt to finish before darkness engulfed the course. I spied a man walking along the path toward the green with the aid of a cane and accompanied by an assistant. It was Mr. Gregory. He moved slowly and methodically but with a sense of ease. He was stopped by a couple of patrons who talked with him briefly. He was smiling and gracious to all, then continued on his way.
Talk about bengal tiger strength, and English bulldog determination.
There is a video from 2008 about him at ESPN. It is 12 minutes but well worth the watch. Click here.
Peace.
First, on a personal level, I had the opportunity last week to attend an academic awards program for my sweetie's daughter. She and her brother are graduating high school and she is off to university this fall to study chemical engineering. As each of the students were announced, the host shared with us the students background and future plans. Needless to say, all of these students rank among the highest in their class, and all have big dreams. One of the young women honored had started the school year five weeks late due to open heart surgery. She was able to not only catch up with her classmates but excel in her classes! I wondered at what determination that took. Difficult to fathom, but a lesson on setting your goals and realizing them.
Second, while enjoying the pro golfers' annual visit to town at Colonial, we saw a man who has been very inspiring to a great many people for several years. DJ Gregory suffers from cerebral palsy. However, he has not let this deter him from his dreams -- one of which was to walk all four rounds of each tournament on the PGA schedule. Since 2008, he has done so. Early Friday evening, after rain had suspended play, we were sitting in the stands at the 8th green, watching the last few groups attempt to finish before darkness engulfed the course. I spied a man walking along the path toward the green with the aid of a cane and accompanied by an assistant. It was Mr. Gregory. He moved slowly and methodically but with a sense of ease. He was stopped by a couple of patrons who talked with him briefly. He was smiling and gracious to all, then continued on his way.
Talk about bengal tiger strength, and English bulldog determination.
There is a video from 2008 about him at ESPN. It is 12 minutes but well worth the watch. Click here.
Peace.
18 May 2011
Just when you think it will never get better....
I went to class Sunday morning. I have not had too many good (for me) classes lately. I went simply because I needed to go and try to work my way out of this funk my practice has been in; to find the peace that I allowed to be stolen from me.
When I arrived at the studio, I was surprised (and VERY thankful) to see that Greg (co-owner of the studio with his wife) would be teaching. They are two of the coolest people you will ever meet, and any class they teach is a treat. Sunday was no exception. I have told Greg before that I wish I could get a CD of his class -- so much knowledge and so many things to think about! To wit:
Pranayama: For the 2nd set, try switching your hands so your opposite pinky finger is to the outside. Felt like I was doing the exercise for the first time. Now I try to do it for every posture where you interlock your hands.
Awkward: Do not simply "suck your stomach in", bring your stomach "IN and UP" to better support your spine.
Eagle: Don't simply lock your hands -- "ALWAYS go for prayer position first".
Standing Bow: Instead of "bring your chin to your shoulder", he asked us to, "bring your SHOULDER to your CHIN". With that twist in dialogue, I think I was able to better keep my spine straight.
Savasanas: too much movement. To paraphrase: "As an observer, there is too much movement right now. Learn to master NON-MOVEMENT, and it will become easier to perform the MOVEMENT."
Locust: Fingers spread out on your mat. Don't focus on simply lifting the legs... PUSH WITH YOUR ARMS and observe the feeling in your upper back..."
Head to Knee w/ Stretching: Same as standing version except you don't have to fight the gravity... you are preparing for Standing Head to Knee tomorrow. The more you work on this one, the better your standing version will be tomorrow!
Some of his other nuggets:
Yoga is movement with awareness of breath. You must check in with your breathing often. Mouth breathing activates "fight or flight".
On backbends: Lead with your eyes... try to look further and further back... look past your eyelids... where the eyes go, the body will follow. Also: "Let gravity be your guru... don't fight it."
Balancing series/ Tree & Toe Stand: "Think about how you stomp your foot into the ground. Stomp that standing foot. Stomp, Stomp, STOMP (It does help me with keeping my balance.)
Perspective: "So much of reality is perspective. Change your perspective, change your reality."
The heat: "I hate the heat. I always imagine myself on top of a big block of ice..."
Results? Although I did have to slow down near the end, I did stay in the room and I really felt better after class. THAT is why I do this yoga. Monday afternoon's class was really hot and I did leave the room but only for two postures. I went back in at Camel and finished class stronger than at any time in at least six weeks!
I think better things are around the corner...
48 down, 152 to go...
My best is yet to come!!
Peace.
When I arrived at the studio, I was surprised (and VERY thankful) to see that Greg (co-owner of the studio with his wife) would be teaching. They are two of the coolest people you will ever meet, and any class they teach is a treat. Sunday was no exception. I have told Greg before that I wish I could get a CD of his class -- so much knowledge and so many things to think about! To wit:
Pranayama: For the 2nd set, try switching your hands so your opposite pinky finger is to the outside. Felt like I was doing the exercise for the first time. Now I try to do it for every posture where you interlock your hands.
Awkward: Do not simply "suck your stomach in", bring your stomach "IN and UP" to better support your spine.
Eagle: Don't simply lock your hands -- "ALWAYS go for prayer position first".
Standing Bow: Instead of "bring your chin to your shoulder", he asked us to, "bring your SHOULDER to your CHIN". With that twist in dialogue, I think I was able to better keep my spine straight.
Savasanas: too much movement. To paraphrase: "As an observer, there is too much movement right now. Learn to master NON-MOVEMENT, and it will become easier to perform the MOVEMENT."
Locust: Fingers spread out on your mat. Don't focus on simply lifting the legs... PUSH WITH YOUR ARMS and observe the feeling in your upper back..."
Head to Knee w/ Stretching: Same as standing version except you don't have to fight the gravity... you are preparing for Standing Head to Knee tomorrow. The more you work on this one, the better your standing version will be tomorrow!
Some of his other nuggets:
Yoga is movement with awareness of breath. You must check in with your breathing often. Mouth breathing activates "fight or flight".
On backbends: Lead with your eyes... try to look further and further back... look past your eyelids... where the eyes go, the body will follow. Also: "Let gravity be your guru... don't fight it."
Balancing series/ Tree & Toe Stand: "Think about how you stomp your foot into the ground. Stomp that standing foot. Stomp, Stomp, STOMP (It does help me with keeping my balance.)
Perspective: "So much of reality is perspective. Change your perspective, change your reality."
The heat: "I hate the heat. I always imagine myself on top of a big block of ice..."
Results? Although I did have to slow down near the end, I did stay in the room and I really felt better after class. THAT is why I do this yoga. Monday afternoon's class was really hot and I did leave the room but only for two postures. I went back in at Camel and finished class stronger than at any time in at least six weeks!
I think better things are around the corner...
48 down, 152 to go...
My best is yet to come!!
Peace.
13 May 2011
Panic! In The Room
I have managed to get to five classes in since my last post. It has been a tough week... so much so that I left early during two of them. The pattern was pretty much the same. I would have trouble standing on one leg... horrible balance. Triangle pose would only be a rumor. My hips would hurt terribly and every move would be uncomfortable to sat the least. Then, the heat and humidity would lay me out on my mat, and then it was just a matter of time until I would look for a chance to head for the door. Tuesday was the worst night. Things fell apart so fast... I was down for the count before long before Triangle... I panicked and left somewhere right after Spine Strengthening, and as I cooled down I considered whether or not I was really cut out for Bikram Yoga anymore. I told my instructor of my thoughts, and she silenced me immediately: "You are certainly made for this!! You are Mark!! You are a yogi!!"
As I have said before, I am not looking to be a famous, world champion yogi. I just want to be healthy and happy. Later, I took a longer look at the last few days. I have not eaten well every day. On Tuesday, for example, it was 2 peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and 2 liters of water. When at work it is not always possible to eat or get enough fluids in, and it has been tough for me to drink enough water anywhere. I just haven't been that thirsty, unlike when we were doing Challenges and I was easily drinking 4 or 5 liters each day. Add allergies to the equation plus the occasional cigarette (I know, I Know, I KNOW...) and I have not treated my body well lately. It has often been said that your practice is a mirror of your life outside the room. I don't like what I see... so much so that it was difficult to stare at my own two eyes in the room.
Today's class brought new hope. I am still having a really hard time keeping my balance...my legs just shook today. However, I got through three out of four sides in Triangle, but had difficulty in SSL Head to Knee. Really, my standing set was better than in weeks! I started to lose it on the floor, though... Cobra, Locust, and Full Locust were very hard as my back felt really weak. I sat out Camel and Rabbit, and Head to Knee Stretching and Spine Twist were pretty half-hearted, but I stayed in for the duration.
Lessons? Many. Diet. Hydration. Self-confidence. I must work on all of these.
One of the themes of late at the studio has been, "Be happy about the postures you CAN do. Don't get down on yourself for the postures you cannot do. Each day is different and your body will be different. Honor yourself for being here and doing the best you can on that day."
Along those lines, the other mantra has been, "The only bad class you can have is the class you do not attend."
For me, it has been a reminder that I cannot half-ass my way through this process. I must stay focused and committed.
When is the next class?
Peace.
My goal for 2011: 200 classes.
46 down, 154 to go
As I have said before, I am not looking to be a famous, world champion yogi. I just want to be healthy and happy. Later, I took a longer look at the last few days. I have not eaten well every day. On Tuesday, for example, it was 2 peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and 2 liters of water. When at work it is not always possible to eat or get enough fluids in, and it has been tough for me to drink enough water anywhere. I just haven't been that thirsty, unlike when we were doing Challenges and I was easily drinking 4 or 5 liters each day. Add allergies to the equation plus the occasional cigarette (I know, I Know, I KNOW...) and I have not treated my body well lately. It has often been said that your practice is a mirror of your life outside the room. I don't like what I see... so much so that it was difficult to stare at my own two eyes in the room.
Today's class brought new hope. I am still having a really hard time keeping my balance...my legs just shook today. However, I got through three out of four sides in Triangle, but had difficulty in SSL Head to Knee. Really, my standing set was better than in weeks! I started to lose it on the floor, though... Cobra, Locust, and Full Locust were very hard as my back felt really weak. I sat out Camel and Rabbit, and Head to Knee Stretching and Spine Twist were pretty half-hearted, but I stayed in for the duration.
Lessons? Many. Diet. Hydration. Self-confidence. I must work on all of these.
One of the themes of late at the studio has been, "Be happy about the postures you CAN do. Don't get down on yourself for the postures you cannot do. Each day is different and your body will be different. Honor yourself for being here and doing the best you can on that day."
Along those lines, the other mantra has been, "The only bad class you can have is the class you do not attend."
For me, it has been a reminder that I cannot half-ass my way through this process. I must stay focused and committed.
When is the next class?
Peace.
My goal for 2011: 200 classes.
46 down, 154 to go
04 May 2011
Well, so much for being positive....
Yesterday, I wrote about trying to keep the proper perspective in class... about how I usually decide how my class will go by balancing stick and how last night I was going in with the expressed intention of keeping a positive frame of mind throughout the class.
So, just how did that little experiment go?
I left the room at Fixed-Firm and did not return.
Class started off really well. I was able to keep my stomach in all the way through both sets of breathing. I worked really hard to keep my arms locked out in Half-Moon, and it went great! Awkward was, well, as awkward as usual, but I actually felt good about that, too. In Eagle, I actually got each foot hooked around the leg in both sets. All in all, the opening set went really well, and I was beginning to think, "Hey, I'm doing pretty well here -- keep it going!!" Even in Standing Head to Knee, I felt pretty good about myself. Although I have never been able kick out, I was working hard to keep my knees locked -- harder than normal. I did fall out near the end of each phase, but I kept my balance longer than normal.
Then, things began to go downhill. It started slowly, but soon turned into a veritable nosedive.
The first set of Standing Bow was OK, but lost all balance in the second set. In Balancing Stick, I was leaning one way, then another, then coming out early. In Standing Separate Leg Stretching, I purposely tried to take a wider stance in the second set, and that tightness in my hips came back with a vengeance. This is where I fell off the cliff. Triangle was a complete failure -- when trying to lunge forward on my right side, it felt like my body would tear itself in two as one might tear a piece of paper in half. Sat down, no second set. In first set of SSL Head to Knee, I fell out as soon as I tried to bend forward. No second set. Tree was difficult, and when I hit the ground trying to do Toe Stand, I sat out the second set. Wind Removing was OK, but the Spine Strengthening was laughable -- it just hurt to do Cobra or Locust or Full Locust. After first set of Fixed-Firm, I was done. My mindset went from, "Hey, maybe I'm on to something here." to "I am positive of one thing and one thing only. I'm leaving."
I spent the rest of the evening in a funk. Memories of goals never attained, of things left undone, of being afraid of trying ANYTHING new danced around my brain. That was one of the reasons I took up Bikram... it was something new and different... something I might actually be able to be PROFICIENT at. I'm not looking to become a world-renowned yogi or anything, I just want to be able to do the class and enjoy the learning process. Why did I leave? What does everyone else know that I don't? How do they manage to stay in that oven while I bail out? What am I missing?
41 classes down, 159 to go.
Peace.
So, just how did that little experiment go?
I left the room at Fixed-Firm and did not return.
Class started off really well. I was able to keep my stomach in all the way through both sets of breathing. I worked really hard to keep my arms locked out in Half-Moon, and it went great! Awkward was, well, as awkward as usual, but I actually felt good about that, too. In Eagle, I actually got each foot hooked around the leg in both sets. All in all, the opening set went really well, and I was beginning to think, "Hey, I'm doing pretty well here -- keep it going!!" Even in Standing Head to Knee, I felt pretty good about myself. Although I have never been able kick out, I was working hard to keep my knees locked -- harder than normal. I did fall out near the end of each phase, but I kept my balance longer than normal.
Then, things began to go downhill. It started slowly, but soon turned into a veritable nosedive.
The first set of Standing Bow was OK, but lost all balance in the second set. In Balancing Stick, I was leaning one way, then another, then coming out early. In Standing Separate Leg Stretching, I purposely tried to take a wider stance in the second set, and that tightness in my hips came back with a vengeance. This is where I fell off the cliff. Triangle was a complete failure -- when trying to lunge forward on my right side, it felt like my body would tear itself in two as one might tear a piece of paper in half. Sat down, no second set. In first set of SSL Head to Knee, I fell out as soon as I tried to bend forward. No second set. Tree was difficult, and when I hit the ground trying to do Toe Stand, I sat out the second set. Wind Removing was OK, but the Spine Strengthening was laughable -- it just hurt to do Cobra or Locust or Full Locust. After first set of Fixed-Firm, I was done. My mindset went from, "Hey, maybe I'm on to something here." to "I am positive of one thing and one thing only. I'm leaving."
I spent the rest of the evening in a funk. Memories of goals never attained, of things left undone, of being afraid of trying ANYTHING new danced around my brain. That was one of the reasons I took up Bikram... it was something new and different... something I might actually be able to be PROFICIENT at. I'm not looking to become a world-renowned yogi or anything, I just want to be able to do the class and enjoy the learning process. Why did I leave? What does everyone else know that I don't? How do they manage to stay in that oven while I bail out? What am I missing?
41 classes down, 159 to go.
Peace.
03 May 2011
A Matter of Perspective
I was able to make the 4:30 class yesterday. I had gone back and forth about going -- I was still fighting a cold and I knew it would be a tough one. I was ready to bag it but Sweetie encouraged me to go, so off I went. It was a pretty good sized group, and I knew I was in trouble early. By Eagle pose, I was lost. I couldn't get either foot to hook behind my legs, I couldn't keep my balance, I was tired and not very flexible. I was unable to get my arms back to my heels in Camel, and came out of it with my left shoulder hurting. Long story short, it was a class to forget, save for one thing.
At one point during the floor series, our instructor, Heather, spoke about having the right mindset. I don't recall her exact words, but the point was this: The perspective you take into the room will make a world of difference in your practice. When you are tired and complaining about coming to class, think instead of how much better you will feel after it's over. When you are pulling on your heels, or trying to hold a decent Triangle, and you feel that same old tightness in your hip or leg or back, do you think, "Oh man, this is never going to get loose.", or do you think, "This is good. This isn't tightness, it's a new area of my body opening up."? Do you silently chastise yourself for the postures you are unable to hold, or do you enjoy the quiet little victories that appear in every class?
I must admit that while those words struck a chord, I was unable to put it into practice in the middle of class. Tonight, I will go into the chamber with the intention of keeping a positive frame of mind from first minute to last. This is not an easy thing for me... by the time we get to Balancing Stick I usually have decided how the class will go, good or bad. Perhaps by concentrating on my intention, I can put the heat, the humidity, and my weakness aside and just DO THE POSTURE, PLEASE!!!
40 classes down, 160 to go.
Namaste.
At one point during the floor series, our instructor, Heather, spoke about having the right mindset. I don't recall her exact words, but the point was this: The perspective you take into the room will make a world of difference in your practice. When you are tired and complaining about coming to class, think instead of how much better you will feel after it's over. When you are pulling on your heels, or trying to hold a decent Triangle, and you feel that same old tightness in your hip or leg or back, do you think, "Oh man, this is never going to get loose.", or do you think, "This is good. This isn't tightness, it's a new area of my body opening up."? Do you silently chastise yourself for the postures you are unable to hold, or do you enjoy the quiet little victories that appear in every class?
I must admit that while those words struck a chord, I was unable to put it into practice in the middle of class. Tonight, I will go into the chamber with the intention of keeping a positive frame of mind from first minute to last. This is not an easy thing for me... by the time we get to Balancing Stick I usually have decided how the class will go, good or bad. Perhaps by concentrating on my intention, I can put the heat, the humidity, and my weakness aside and just DO THE POSTURE, PLEASE!!!
40 classes down, 160 to go.
Namaste.
01 May 2011
Lazy Sunday
May Day in Texas. Usually, that means sunny skies and warm temperatures. Not so, this year, however. Gray, rainy skies with thunderstorms in the vicinity, and it's in the 40's!!! This made for a very lazy, quiet day in our home. Sleeping in was very easy with the dark gray clouds. Yoga was considered for the briefest of moments. Instead, sleeping, napping, movies, and sports have been the order of the day. With our hectic schedules, classes have been once again few and far between. However, there have been a couple of triumphs.
First was the fact that my sweetie got back into the room after that nasty fall on the stairs. She was welcomed back by a number of people at the studio, which I think shocked her a bit. She has had to take it slowly but she is doing well. I AM SO PROUD OF HER!!!!
Secondly, I was actually able to string 5 classes together the week before last. (Only two this past week, however...) Anyway during last Tuesday's class, two things happened. In Hands-to-Feet (first set). as I was pulling on my heels, my spine popped. It felt like a new vertebrae had appeared from nowhere and popped into place. It seemed so loud that I was sure everyone else in the room heard it. It made my a bit dizzy, so that I lost that all important grip on my heels -- I almost catapulted myself off my mat.
The second surprise came in Triangle -- one of the most difficult poses for me. I actually made it through BOTH SETS!! I didn't fall out and I didn't sit out -- they weren't pretty but they were triangles!! After that, I breezed through the rest of class. I did sit out a couple of times but I didn't berate myself for it -- I simply tried to enjoy it. I should have gone back in today, but sometimes rest is best. Plus, my allergies are driving me insane -- breathing would have been really hard. Planning on getting back in tomorrow.
So, my count now stands at 39 classes for the year. With my goal set at 200, that means I need to attend 161 more classes in 244 days. I am nowhere near giving up on my goal but I just hope life slows down a tick or two so I can really put some classes together. It may take doing my own 30 or 45 day challenge to get me to my goal. There is still time....
Speaking of challenges, there is a newspaper reporter in San Antonio, Dennis Ayotte, Jr., who has taken up a 60 day Bikram Challenge and is writing about it. Follow Dennis' journey here.
Along with that, it is now Week Three of Teacher Training in Los Angeles. Those 400+ people are almost a third of the way home already. I have found several cool blogs to keep up with:
From The Hot Room.
onceuponayogi.
The Grateful Yogini.
First was the fact that my sweetie got back into the room after that nasty fall on the stairs. She was welcomed back by a number of people at the studio, which I think shocked her a bit. She has had to take it slowly but she is doing well. I AM SO PROUD OF HER!!!!
Secondly, I was actually able to string 5 classes together the week before last. (Only two this past week, however...) Anyway during last Tuesday's class, two things happened. In Hands-to-Feet (first set). as I was pulling on my heels, my spine popped. It felt like a new vertebrae had appeared from nowhere and popped into place. It seemed so loud that I was sure everyone else in the room heard it. It made my a bit dizzy, so that I lost that all important grip on my heels -- I almost catapulted myself off my mat.
The second surprise came in Triangle -- one of the most difficult poses for me. I actually made it through BOTH SETS!! I didn't fall out and I didn't sit out -- they weren't pretty but they were triangles!! After that, I breezed through the rest of class. I did sit out a couple of times but I didn't berate myself for it -- I simply tried to enjoy it. I should have gone back in today, but sometimes rest is best. Plus, my allergies are driving me insane -- breathing would have been really hard. Planning on getting back in tomorrow.
So, my count now stands at 39 classes for the year. With my goal set at 200, that means I need to attend 161 more classes in 244 days. I am nowhere near giving up on my goal but I just hope life slows down a tick or two so I can really put some classes together. It may take doing my own 30 or 45 day challenge to get me to my goal. There is still time....
Speaking of challenges, there is a newspaper reporter in San Antonio, Dennis Ayotte, Jr., who has taken up a 60 day Bikram Challenge and is writing about it. Follow Dennis' journey here.
Along with that, it is now Week Three of Teacher Training in Los Angeles. Those 400+ people are almost a third of the way home already. I have found several cool blogs to keep up with:
From The Hot Room.
onceuponayogi.
The Grateful Yogini.
21 April 2011
Thursday Musings
Well, no double today. A long night at work left my back and shoulders in knots. Mix in a cool, rainy morning and it was just too easy to stay in bed. However, I am going to the evening session and -- best of all -- my sweetie will be there for the first time since hurting her back. Looking very much forward to tonight's class!
Out in Los Angeles, over 400 people are becoming certified Bikram instructors at the Spring Teacher Training meeting. I have been searching for any blogs from students and I have found a couple of them that seem promising. After a little more research, I'll post my favorites. In our Tuesday night class, it was learned that one of the students has a friend at training. She said that Bikram himself taught class the previous day. It lasted 2 hours and 15 minutes at 140 degrees!!!! Incredible!! I hope to hear more tales from LA!
Speaking of Teacher Training (TT), I have, from time to time, wondered aloud if I could get through that 9 week torture test. I keep coming back to the same thought: regardless if I became certified or not, it would be worth the time and cost just to go through the process. To simply be a part of such a large group of people all bent on the same thing would be a privilege in itself....
I could type for another hour but there are other things in life besides yoga. Like laundry. Grocery shopping. Hydrating for class. Wow.. four classes in one week? Pinch me!!!
Peace.
Out in Los Angeles, over 400 people are becoming certified Bikram instructors at the Spring Teacher Training meeting. I have been searching for any blogs from students and I have found a couple of them that seem promising. After a little more research, I'll post my favorites. In our Tuesday night class, it was learned that one of the students has a friend at training. She said that Bikram himself taught class the previous day. It lasted 2 hours and 15 minutes at 140 degrees!!!! Incredible!! I hope to hear more tales from LA!
Speaking of Teacher Training (TT), I have, from time to time, wondered aloud if I could get through that 9 week torture test. I keep coming back to the same thought: regardless if I became certified or not, it would be worth the time and cost just to go through the process. To simply be a part of such a large group of people all bent on the same thing would be a privilege in itself....
I could type for another hour but there are other things in life besides yoga. Like laundry. Grocery shopping. Hydrating for class. Wow.. four classes in one week? Pinch me!!!
Peace.
20 April 2011
Sometimes, your yoga lies elsewhere...
It has been a long month. Only six classes since my last post. My goal of 200 classes for the year is beginning to slip away. Still possible, but it becomes more of a long shot with each passing day.
The reason? A loved one has been facing some difficult times. This person is very close to Missy and I and is a big part of our day-to-day lives. For most of the middle part of the month, it meant long days working, then off to the hospital to visit and check on his condition. This would be followed by a meal late at night, usually on the way home, and it was normally our only meal of the day. This went on for almost two full weeks. Our classes went by the wayside, for the most part. Happily, though, things have improved, and he is getting the care he needs. In the days since he has stabilized, we have been exhausted physically, mentally, even spiritually.
Then, to top it off, sweetie slipped on the stairs and hurt her back. She is still very sore, and has not been able to pursue her practice at all.
The lesson? To me, it is this: when you have to set things aside for someone you love and help them out, you are still doing yoga. It may not be the type of yoga you want, but it is there for you to do and learn from. No, I wasn't in that room melting my face off, but I was where I needed to be and doing what I needed to do for those I care about. Now, I can pick up and begin my own practice again.
Speaking of my own practice, I have been able to go to class the last three days. It is the first time that I have been able to string three in a row in forever -- I think it's only the first or second time this year that I can say that. Sunday was a decent class, but Monday was another meltdown. I was wobbly from the start, and it was so humid and hot in the room that I left early. Really early. During the Spine-strengthening set. I took the walk of shame and silently cussed myself out for not being strong enough to carry on. Last night class was a good bounce back, though. It had rained just before class, just enough to get everything damp, then the sun came back out, turning everything into a steam bath. It was felt in the room. Just sitting quietly on my mat before class, I was soaked. However, my class went much, much better than the previous evening! I felt stronger, and attempted every posture (sat out a couple of sets, though). I felt sooooo much better after class, although very thirsty (I always take a bottle of Gatorade for after class -- it was gone in less than seven minutes last night!). I would go tonight if I could, but it is my night to close at work. :( Thankfully, I have tomorrow off, so I will certainly make a class -- maybe a double???
35 classes down, 165 to go
Namaste.
The reason? A loved one has been facing some difficult times. This person is very close to Missy and I and is a big part of our day-to-day lives. For most of the middle part of the month, it meant long days working, then off to the hospital to visit and check on his condition. This would be followed by a meal late at night, usually on the way home, and it was normally our only meal of the day. This went on for almost two full weeks. Our classes went by the wayside, for the most part. Happily, though, things have improved, and he is getting the care he needs. In the days since he has stabilized, we have been exhausted physically, mentally, even spiritually.
Then, to top it off, sweetie slipped on the stairs and hurt her back. She is still very sore, and has not been able to pursue her practice at all.
The lesson? To me, it is this: when you have to set things aside for someone you love and help them out, you are still doing yoga. It may not be the type of yoga you want, but it is there for you to do and learn from. No, I wasn't in that room melting my face off, but I was where I needed to be and doing what I needed to do for those I care about. Now, I can pick up and begin my own practice again.
Speaking of my own practice, I have been able to go to class the last three days. It is the first time that I have been able to string three in a row in forever -- I think it's only the first or second time this year that I can say that. Sunday was a decent class, but Monday was another meltdown. I was wobbly from the start, and it was so humid and hot in the room that I left early. Really early. During the Spine-strengthening set. I took the walk of shame and silently cussed myself out for not being strong enough to carry on. Last night class was a good bounce back, though. It had rained just before class, just enough to get everything damp, then the sun came back out, turning everything into a steam bath. It was felt in the room. Just sitting quietly on my mat before class, I was soaked. However, my class went much, much better than the previous evening! I felt stronger, and attempted every posture (sat out a couple of sets, though). I felt sooooo much better after class, although very thirsty (I always take a bottle of Gatorade for after class -- it was gone in less than seven minutes last night!). I would go tonight if I could, but it is my night to close at work. :( Thankfully, I have tomorrow off, so I will certainly make a class -- maybe a double???
35 classes down, 165 to go
Namaste.
31 March 2011
Yogic Haiku 1
Don't ask me why, but I have been lately been interested in poetry, specifically haiku. The format of five, seven, and five syllables is a challenge for me. So, from time to time, I'm going to try my hand at it. The idea will almost always be some facet of yoga. Hope you enjoy.
Like a spring shower
The drops of sweat hit my mat
I will soon be clean
Peace.
Capitulation
Tuesday night, 6:30 class. Worked all day, then rushed home to pack gear, then off to pick Missy up from work, then finally to the studio. Last ones in before the doors are locked. Hurry to change and get in the room. Sarah is teaching, and class has already started. I find a spot in the second row (left side of the room), just throw down my mat, and get into first set of pranayama. I can't catch my breath, gasping instead of taking those long, fluid breaths. Second set is marginally better. We haven't completed one posture and I am already a wreck.
It doesn't get any better.
Half-moon is ridiculously difficult; hands-to-feet is worse. There is no such thing as locking the knee or maintaining any sort of balance. I fall out of every balancing posture in 10 seconds or less. But hey, it's ok, my breathing sucks, too, huffing and puffing and unable to slow it down. In Standing-separate-leg-stretching, I am nowhere close to grabbing my heels. Sarah offers encouragement and I give it a rather lame try. I do grab the outsides of my feet but my hips and legs scream at me. Triangle? HA! I might get that posture down in the next decade or so. By Tree pose I was past the point of caring. I spent most of the floor series on my back, just trying to stay in the room. I have never left the room so quickly.
I had given up.
I had quit.
No, it's not the first time something like this has happened. It just seems like Tuesday night was the worst case ever. It has had me thinking ever since: What is my problem? Why, when others fight through their issues and can at least participate in each posture, I give in? Why do I just stop? Am I that weak? Is it simply circumstance? What is it that makes it so tough for me to grind out a class?
Is it simply a lack of time to prepare? Perhaps. We all have some form of pre-class routine. I feel odd if I can't get the right spot in the room, or if I can't get in the room early enough so I can let my body get warmed up a bit. Those are attachments, and we are told over and over to let go of any attachments.
Is it diet? I bet there is a lot to this. I haven't been eating as well as before. Fast food is creeping back into my life more and more. Yes, there are times when there is simply no alternative. That said, I know I can do better, and must do so. Now. Hydration has been an issue as well. One or two liters of water is not enough. Coffee is taking way too high a priority. Hotter weather usually takes care of that, but I must be more conscious of my fluid intake. Proper nutrition and hydration make a world of difference in my practice.
The biggest question I have is the one I have no answer for: Just exactly how do I get my mind to work better, to concentrate better, to let go of what is going on around (and inside) me, and focus on breathing and movement?
29 classes down, 171 to go.
Peace.
It doesn't get any better.
Half-moon is ridiculously difficult; hands-to-feet is worse. There is no such thing as locking the knee or maintaining any sort of balance. I fall out of every balancing posture in 10 seconds or less. But hey, it's ok, my breathing sucks, too, huffing and puffing and unable to slow it down. In Standing-separate-leg-stretching, I am nowhere close to grabbing my heels. Sarah offers encouragement and I give it a rather lame try. I do grab the outsides of my feet but my hips and legs scream at me. Triangle? HA! I might get that posture down in the next decade or so. By Tree pose I was past the point of caring. I spent most of the floor series on my back, just trying to stay in the room. I have never left the room so quickly.
I had given up.
I had quit.
No, it's not the first time something like this has happened. It just seems like Tuesday night was the worst case ever. It has had me thinking ever since: What is my problem? Why, when others fight through their issues and can at least participate in each posture, I give in? Why do I just stop? Am I that weak? Is it simply circumstance? What is it that makes it so tough for me to grind out a class?
Is it simply a lack of time to prepare? Perhaps. We all have some form of pre-class routine. I feel odd if I can't get the right spot in the room, or if I can't get in the room early enough so I can let my body get warmed up a bit. Those are attachments, and we are told over and over to let go of any attachments.
Is it diet? I bet there is a lot to this. I haven't been eating as well as before. Fast food is creeping back into my life more and more. Yes, there are times when there is simply no alternative. That said, I know I can do better, and must do so. Now. Hydration has been an issue as well. One or two liters of water is not enough. Coffee is taking way too high a priority. Hotter weather usually takes care of that, but I must be more conscious of my fluid intake. Proper nutrition and hydration make a world of difference in my practice.
The biggest question I have is the one I have no answer for: Just exactly how do I get my mind to work better, to concentrate better, to let go of what is going on around (and inside) me, and focus on breathing and movement?
29 classes down, 171 to go.
Peace.
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