Drifting

A long, grinding, tiring 5 weeks finds me here at my desk searching for words. Actually, I've sat here several times but the words never seem to come easily when I'm here. It always seems to be when I'm at work, or doing chores, or in the car... and then by the time I get home, either I've forgotten half of what I wanted to say, or the thoughts I had don't seem to hold the same weight, so I don't bother trying.

Illness and work have kept me from doing much of anything. Sweetie was in bed for most of one week with flu-like symptoms. Then, her father fell ill and stayed with us for the better part of two weeks, followed by a brief stay in hospital. Everyone seems to have rebounded... slowly, but steadily. Work has been difficult to say the least... and it doesn't look like things are going to improve any time soon. I've done some side work for Sweetie's boss to try and save enough for yoga, but it seems some other expense comes up. We had planned to take vacation together but that has gone by the boards. Bottom line is that the days have passed in rapid succession with very little to differentiate one from another.

I read my last post just now with equal parts humor and derision. I love how charged up I get... I'm gonna do this, that, and the other and things are going to get better and I'll actually get to write about my first class back at the studio, or my first attempt at practicing at home, or just how it feels to have 90 minutes to myself to just breathe.

Then, life looks askance at me and slaps me in the back of the head for being so foolish. (For fans of 'NCIS', imagine Gibbs smacking DiNozzo on the back of the head.) 

The truth is this: it has now been just over four months since I took a yoga class. The studio had it's big Grand Opening weekend three weeks ago... by all accounts it was amazing. I saw the photos on Facebook and it looked extremely cool. The new Sumits Hot Yoga is finally open and offering an introductory package: two weeks for $20. Maybe while I'm on vacation next month I can try it.

The worst part of all this is that I am drifting back to the person I was before yoga. No, I'm not smoking (it will be 70 days on Saturday), but I haven't eaten well in weeks. Once again, fast, greasy food is my staple. Just this morning, had fried chicken for breakfast (three pieces), then grabbed coffee and doughnuts at the gas station while running errands, THEN ate a fried pie (chocolate) that I bought when I was buying groceries. All before noon. Lovely. I eat before work. I eat at work. I eat on the way home. Then I eat dinner. All of this is usually washed down with cup after cup of coffee (no sugar, but loads of sweetened, non-dairy creamer). Some Most days I drink no water at all. I try to stay away from soft drinks but sometimes I need that jolt of sugar and caffeine. I don't know how much weight I've gained, but I know I am gaining. My body feels the effects. My back and shoulders are beginning to hurt again like they did before I started yoga. My hips hurt; one knee now has that familiar ache. I have no energy. I procrastinate about the simplest tasks. I just want to sleep. I drag myself through the day; I have trouble sleeping at night. I dream of yoga on some nights... sometimes I'm struggling to do Triangle, sometimes I do a really good floor bow, sometimes I'm just laying there in Savasana. I've even had a couple of dreams where Sweetie and I are teaching. Most of the time, though, there are no dreams... just the sound of the alarm on my cellphone urging me to get up and get ready for work.

On the positive side, I did purchase one of the books I mentioned last time: The Art of Happiness by The Dalai Lama. Sadly, I have yet to crack it open, mainly because I have had little time, but also out of fear that I'm not really going to get anything out of it. I'm sure there will be a lot of wonderful ideas and thoughts, but I never seem to be able to incorporate anything like that in my life. There is always another obstacle, there is always something else that has to be tended to first, there is always another problem that lands at my feet to be solved or fixed. It's taxing to the point where I just give in and set my "self" aside. I truly envy those people that can set aside a space solely for themselves... how do they do it? Is it because money isn't an issue? Or their job is fun and exciting and creative and flexible? Or they prefer to remain alone so they don't have to deal with anyone else? HOW?????  That was the most wonderful thing about going to class -- I had two whole hours set aside for ME!! (Hope that doesn't sound too selfish...)

Um, excuse me. I think I just went off on a rant. We now continue with our regularly scheduled post.

On the same trip to the bookstore, I did find one other book. I spied it on the bargain table right next to the cashier.It is one recommended by many yogis/yoginis. It is the Bhagavad-Gita, part of the Indian epic Mahabarat.

 
  The Gita is a conversation between Lord Krishna and the prince Arjuna prior to the start of a war that will require Arjuna to fight against members of his own family. Krishna (God) speaks to Arjuna about his duties as a prince and as commander of an army. Krishna also talks about yoga, among several other things. I did get a chance one afternoon to sit down and start reading.

Wow.

I had only gotten a few pages in when I did something I've not done since college. I grabbed a highlighter and started marking different passages. I really got sucked in to it. Sadly, I only read about 18 pages when I was called away. I have yet to pick it up. I am hoping that once everything is done for the day, I can pick it back up and restart. In just 18 pages I found so many passages that spoke to me! To wit:

"There was never a time when I did not exist, nor you.... Nor is there any future in which we will cease to be."

"Just as the dweller in this body passes through childhood, youth and old age, so at death he merely passes into another body."

"Feelings of heat and cold, pleasure and pain, are caused by the contact of the senses with their objects. They come and they go, never lasting long. You must accept them."

That is basically one page. I've got to read this from cover to cover!!

Thank you for stopping by and letting me vent. I hope it was worth your time.

Namaste.

 

It's not all bad...

It has been an up and down couple of weeks.

The big Grand Opening for Bikram Fort Worth is this weekend. I will miss the festivities (not just because I'm not yet a member; I have to work anyway). Demonstrations, posture clinics, instructors from other studios, EVERYTHING I want to be a part of. I try not to think about it. I get depressed.

I will get back there.

The home studio idea is also on hold. Unexpected auto repair = $$$. Have yet to get a mirror for the spare room. It may be a bit. I bite my lip, take a breath and try to keep calm. I want to scream. I want to throw something. I want to gaze toward the heavens and ask, "Why?". Even now, I'm starting to shake. I never, EVER thought I would feel this way about yoga, let alone something like Bikram Yoga. I am still open to trying other types of yoga (the Sumits Yoga down the street has yet to open -- I will check it out; I've had no time to visit Karmany Yoga yet). However, I truly believe that I will end up sticking with Bikram.

I will get my practice restarted. I will learn about other forms of yoga.

When I am able to get the Bikram CD, I am also going to buy two three books:

Bikram Yoga -- the orange book

The Art of Happiness: A Handbook for Living -- by The Dalai Lama

The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali: The Book of the Spiritual Man -- by Charles Johnston

I want to better myself. I will tear myself down to the foundations if need be. My current self is no longer palatable or viable. I have much to learn. My happiness is not dependent on others. I must do it myself. I deserve this. 

It will get better.  

If I put in the effort, the results will come.


I want this. I need this.


"Begin, please."

Oh yeah, the title of this post? 

Well, I am proud to report that I have made it to 30 days since my last cigarette!! I need my inhaler less and less now. It feels good. No, it feels GREAT!!

Step by step.....


Namaste.

Tragedy, Inspiration, and Shooting Stars

 Over the past two days, I have read and heard two different stories about friendships, loss, and regret. The first was a beautifully written post by The Grateful Yogini about losing touch with a friend who was terminally ill and her regrets. It can be a difficult read, but I firmly believe everyone should give it a look.

The second story occurred locally, a scant few days ago. Here in DFW, the #1 radio station is the all-sports station, KTCK 1310 "The Ticket". Most of the time, the shows are devoted to sports, movies, girls, "guy-talk" and the like. Every so often, however one of the hosts pulls back the curtain on their personal life.  "The Gentle Musers", is a show that has been on the air for as long as the station has operated (18 years now). All three of the hosts are close to me in age, so I can relate to them and have sort of "grown up" with them if you will. Anyway, this morning George spoke about a tragedy that had befallen a family in the small town where he resides, and his and the town's reaction to it. It is a must listen .

Both stories contain the same message, which cannot be repeated enough:

Life is short.

You never know when it will be taken away.

Call. Write. E-mail. Text.

Send a card.

Send flowers or go to lunch -- just because.

Hug. Squeeze. Kiss.

Above all:

Be grateful for the little things...

the unmade bed

the dirty dishes

holding hands during a storm

snowball fights

and on and on and on....

Our time here is precious.

Once lost, it is never given back.

I must learn to not waste so much time...

  

A Dream Delayed

Well, I got to see the newly renovated studio a few days ago. All I can say is, "Wow!!". It looks really cool. Now there is a full window looking in on the chamber, and increased retail space. The showers/changing room are very cool, and a water dispenser has been installed to cut down on plastic bottles. The lobby/retail area has been redone in a classic Western motif -- befitting the town "Where the West Begins".

Yes, the new Bikram Fort Worth is ready to go with a full slate of classes tomorrow.

Sweetie and I, however, will not be there.

I got to talk to the new owner, who completed training last spring and was one of our instructors under the former owners. She is a great person, with a solid vision for the studio. Anyone who reads this blog knows that Sweetie and I were on the work-study program under the old regime. For now, there will be no work-study at the new studio.

Let me say this: I am not angry. I am not upset. (In fact, I was kind of expecting this.)  I understand the situation fully and hold no malice to anyone affiliated with the new studio. I texted the owner earlier today to wish her luck, and tell her that we would be back ASAP.

So, what to do in the meantime?

1) Practice at home: Sweetie and I were discussing converting our spare room into a practice area. A couple of space heaters and a CD player are needed, as well as a mirror on one wall. We could (theoretically) practice anytime. Drawbacks: 1) I think it would be too easy to say, "I'm too tired... need to do laundry/fix dinner/clean house/ etc." and we wouldn't practice at all. 2) Never used the CD before. Will we tire of the same voice/words/cadence time after time? 3) No live instructor to call out corrections -- perhaps preventing an injury or a bad posture.

2) Try a different form of yoga: There is something called Karmany Yoga about 8 minutes away. Meanwhile, about five minutes in the opposite direction, there is a new studio going in: Sumits Hot Yoga. It hasn't opened yet, so I've had no chance to check it out. Bikram is the only yoga I've ever tried. Perhaps I need to try a few different types?

3) Just put the mat away: There are other forms of exercise. Lots of things I could do. I don't think I could just give up yoga (in some form) forever. I enjoy Bikram (well, I enjoy the benefits) and I want to resume as soon as possible. I NEED that time to myself to decompress -- I have missed that aspect more than any other: the chance to push everything aside and just worry about my breath and my postures for 90 minutes.

So, the dream of resuming Bikram is only delayed, not denied.

If you have any suggestions on anything I covered, please feel free to leave a comment (especially when it comes to home practice). I would very much appreciate it!!

Namaste.

Full Circle, Resolutions, and other Bullsh@t

From my first post, 01 JAN 2011:

 Hello, world! My name is Mark and I have decided to try my hand at blogging. The subject, for the most part, will be my experience of practicing Bikram yoga. For those who do not not know, it is commonly referred to as "Hot Yoga", since the 90 minute class is held in a 105-degree room. I have been practicing since April 2009, and have found wonderful benefit from it, which I will relate as I go forward. Hopefully I will have the willpower and desire to keep up with this -- I've never done this on a regular basis. I hope to be interesting enough to have you, my reader, to return, or to perhaps try Bikram. Unfortunately, as I write on New Year's Day, I am fighting my first ever case of pneumonia, which is going to set me back a bit. I'll write when I can and I hope you enjoy it! 

Indeed, it has been almost one full year since I started this little blogging experiment. For once, I actually had set a couple of goals for myself. I wanted to improve my practice. I wanted to learn more about the yoga itself. My stated goal was to attend 200 classes this year. I wanted to eat better, live better, and be healthier.

Well, so much for that.....

To be fair, there were some good (or great) moments. I was able to do Eagle properly for the first time. I got to take a class in a different city from a fantastic instructor. I overcame a panic attack. I even tried creative writing.

Mostly, though, there was a lot of struggling. One new instructor, then another. Got run over by the "yoga truck" more than once. Questioned my desire to continue. Beat myself up a lot, which I have always been very good at. Then, to top it off, the studio abruptly closed. Hopefully, it will reopen in mid-January. Still no word on whether or not we will keep our work-study positions. If not, my practice may be dormant for a very long time.... 

In November, after visiting the studio in Arlington for a one-off class, I wrote the following:

"...the longer class went on, the more I felt like I didn't belong. Not just that I didn't belong in that room, but that I had no business being there, doing yoga, at all. The yoga felt very foreign to me -- not just because I was extremely stiff and had no sort of strength or balance. I felt really weird just being there trying to do the postures -- worse even than during my very first class. I was completely uncomfortable and unnerved. As I lay on the floor, sitting out most of the floor series, I kept asking myself, "Why did I even come here? I'm just kidding myself... I'm really not cut out for this stuff. I could easily stop practicing and few if any would notice my departure. Why not just give this up? Face it, I could do this for the rest of my days and I doubt that I will ever really improve. I mean, really, two years of this and I still can't do Triangle? I still sit out postures? Why bother? I tried, and I failed. Move on."

As I type tonight, I feel pretty much the same way." 

Unfortunately, for the moment, that feeling still holds.

 

Now, as the calendar turns to 2012, I sit here with a nasty chest cold, and I am trying everything to avoid ending the year as it began -- with pneumonia. My diet is a wreck once more, and I'm still smoking. I have not progressed much, if at all.

Today, I got a catalog in the mail from a nutrition company. I started thinking once again about what I'm going to do in the new year to feel better, look better, etc. Another cleanse? Getting my diet back on track? FINALLY giving up the smokes? Getting back in the newly renovated hot room?

The resolutions haven't changed, because I haven't changed. 

Will I EVER change?

I see so many other people do so many things to improve themselves... and not only at the studio through yoga. Some have begun working toward a 5K, 10K, or marathon. Some have disciplined themselves in their diet, and have achieved results. Others have quit smoking, and stuck to it. 

Why is it that I cannot will not do these things? Why is it seemingly so easy for other people but next to impossible for me? I can see the writing on the wall... I will try to do better for a while, then I will get tired or discouraged and fall right back into the same old crap. 

Really, who wants to read about that?

I read so many blogs that are fun. Uplifting. Joyous. Yes, inspiring. 

This isn't one of them... at least right now.  

I am questioning how useful this blog has been. 

Peace.

Holiday Wishes

A few thoughts as the festivities draw nigh:

1) If you are traveling, I hope your trip goes well and you get there and back safe and sound.

2) If you are in the military (of any nation) and the holidays find you far away, know that we truly appreciate what you do. Godspeed and I hope you are with your loved ones very soon.

3) When you are with your loved ones, hug them. Hug them again.  Hug them harder. You just never know when (or IF)  you'll get that chance again.

4) If you are at odds with someone, extend the olive branch. Make peace. Just try.

5) Never forget: There are a great many people in need. Give what you can. The Red Cross, The Salvation Army, your local homeless shelter, women's shelter, your local food bank... all would appreciate whatever you can give. Food, clothing, cash, doesn't matter. It all goes to improve someone's life (and therefore the world) just a little bit.

6) Never forget (2): Our four legged friends need a hand, too. The local Humane Society or SPCA can always use food or bedding for their charges...

7) Eat, drink, and be merry!!! Just have a designated driver so there are no Holiday nightmares.

8) Laugh out loud. Do a silly dance. Tell someone just exactly how special they are to you.

However you may celebrate, I hope your holidays are truly magnificent and memorable!!!

Peace.

  

Losing touch....

A month since my last post. A little more than that since the studio was abruptly closed. I have since learned that the studio was actually sold to one of our newer instructors. She is currently renovating the studio -- or, finishing  the renovations that were started by the previous owners. She is keeping us posted via Facebook (photos included). Currently, the hope is that the studio will resume operations in early January, with a full Grand Opening in February. No word yet on whether we get to stay on work-study, but I am hopeful.

While the wait goes on, I have found myself slipping more and more into old habits. While I have had only four cigarettes in the last 12 days (Very Good), I am once again eating everything in sight. Doesn't matter whether or not I am actually hungry or not, I just eat. And eat. And eat. I bet I've gained almost 10 pounds. This with the holiday season nigh upon us. Worse, I wonder more and more about whether or not I really want to continue my practice.

Almost two weeks ago, I made the drive out to the studio in Arlington. I was happy to run into some of the regulars from Ft. Worth -- including one of our instructors. The Arlington studio is very nice indeed, as are the staff. They have been very helpful to those of us who have no home at the moment. Anyhow, the longer class went on, the more I felt like I didn't belong. Not just that I didn't belong in that room, but that I had no business being there, doing yoga, at all. The yoga felt very foreign to me -- not just because I was extremely stiff and had no sort of strength or balance. I felt really weird just being there trying to do the postures -- worse even than during my very first class. I was completely uncomfortable and unnerved. As I lay on the floor, sitting out most of the floor series, I kept asking myself, "Why did I even come here? I'm just kidding myself... I'm really not cut out for this stuff. I could easily stop practicing and few if any would notice my departure. Why not just give this up? Face it, I could do this for the rest of my days and I doubt that I will ever really improve. I mean, really, two years of this and I still can't do Triangle? I still sit out postures? Why bother? I tried, and I failed. Move on."

As I type tonight, I feel pretty much the same way.

 On a happier note, the latest Teacher Training concluded yesterday. I would like to say "Congratulations!!" to all who made it through, but especially to the following people who blogged about their adventure:

Kat -- A Sweaty Adventure

Tiffany -- The Hot Yoga Girl

Shavon -- bikram or bust

Alice Istanbul

Miss Copsey -- peace under pressure

Extra props to Ms. Istanbul -- in the midst of Training, she hopped a jet back to Florida to compete in the Southeast Regional Asana Championships -- and place FIRST in the Georgia Women's Division!!!

To all of you: it was really fun to follow your adventures. I wish all of you the best as you embark on your teaching careers.

Peace.

Now what?

 So, there I was. It was just after midnight, and I couldn't sleep. I had planned to attend the 6AM class but that was looking less and less likely due to my restlessness. I reached for my phone and opened up Facebook. The first entry was from the studio. My jaw dropped when I saw it. It read as follows:

"We deeply regret the short notice that we will be closing temporarily as we reorganize and rebuild... We will keep you informed to the best of our ability.  Please stay tuned for updates.  We apologize for the inconvenience."

My heart sank.

The one place... the ONLY place where I could hope to quiet my brain and focus on myself is closed. A renovation was begun last fall but it languished for reasons unknown. Yet, we all went and took class, and made the best of it. Now, it has been shut down for an unspecified length of time. 

I feel empty. Even with another long, tiring week in progress, my Tuesday class was the best in months! I was looking so forward to getting in there and starting my day off in a positive fashion. Instead, I really feel bad. I don't want to eat, and my body is upset (headache, queasiness). I'd like to write more but I must take care of my loved ones. Don't know when I'll be back, and since the nearest studio is 35 minutes from here, I don't know when my next class will be.
 
To all who stop by: BE STRONG!! BREATHE!!! LOCK THAT KNEE!!! 

If you want, you can drop a line to the email at the top of the page.

Until next time (whenever that is....) 

Namaste 

Thud. (Epilogue)

I made it in to the room last night for the first time since Thursday.

It did not go well. At all.

Trouble started right away. Kept gasping and taking extra breaths in Pranayama. My breathing was never in synch. Hands-to-Feet was OK, but Awkward was horrid. Eagle was the high point of my class, somehow I was able to hook both feet -- not completely, but they did hook, and I released my interlocked fingers and tried to achieve prayer position. I was a lot closer to it than I ever thought....

After that, however, my class went downhill at about the same rate as an avalanche. No balance in Standing H2K, or Standing Bow, or Balancing Stick (Stick was the worst of all -- only got to 3 before falling out -- ankles kept rolling. SSL Stretching and Triangle are the Evil Twins of my practice. I can't even grab my heels in Stretching -- every time I try there is pain from my hips down the sides of my legs as if they are going to instantly cramp, so I stand back up and walk in place to get the muscles to let go. In Triangle, I will never get my legs to look like an upside down 'L' -- I'm quite sure of that. My hamstrings scream and I either stand back up or fall to my mat. In SSLH2K, my gut gets in the way and I start to gasp for air, so I fall out. Tree was OK; I did not attempt Toe Stand. By this time I was getting spasms in my back and I knew I was toast. Tried Wind-Removing but barely got through. Situps were not practical, and I simply laid on my stomach during the spine series, with my back muscles refusing to let go. When the class transitioned into Fixed Firm, I exited the chamber, found a bench in the back room, and tried to get my back to let go. Didn't happen.

I guess I should have stayed home, but it was my work study night and I needed to be there. This morning was no better. The weather change (cooler and rain) caused so much congestion that I had to race to get an inhaler because I flat out could not breathe. (Weather change, my a$$, it's those damn cigarettes!!)  Like, "climb the stairs and gasp for air" could not breathe. As I wrote yesterday, I am a wreck, and I'm at a loss. I am usually the positive, "things will get better", guy. Unless I'm talking about me, in which case I'm the  "What's the point?" guy.

So, looks like I'm back at the beginning. Eat better. Hydrate. For the love of God, find a way to stay away from smoking (Prescription? Hypnosis?). I have to find a way. For me. For my Sweetie. Besides, I'm really tired of writing all these "downer" entries. I'm sure it's not fun to read. Damn sure isn't fun to write, but at least it is cathartic in some ways. Tomorrow is another chance to start again...

                                *****************************************
A number of current Training blogs that I follow related a story of taking an Advanced class on their off day. As I understand it, the regular 90 minute class is the warm up, and one ends up spending 5 hours in the room. I cannot imagine that. You men and women are so much stronger than I can hope to be.

Peace.

Thud.

"Steps taken forwards but sleepwalking back again
Dragged by the force of some inner tide"

 "High Hopes" -- From Pink Floyd's The Division Bell

Just home from work. Long six days, with work (driving me insane), a sick Sweetie (stomach flu... down for four days but now recovered), and a side project (completed) have meant 17, 18, even 19 hour days over that six day span. Made it to two classes last week (more on that in a minute). With so much to do and very little time, I jumped right back into old habits. Pizza. Cheeseburgers. Fried chicken. Fried fish. And all of it was take-out. Worse, I actually bought and drank at least one Dr. Pepper on five of those days. EVEN WORSE, I would smoke three, four, as many as six cigarettes a day!!! I was doing so well but give me long hours and stressful work conditions and I run right back to the old vices. I have fallen off the proverbial wagon on so many fronts.

Thing is, I don't feel very bad about it. I'm rationalizing all of this with reasons (excuses) such as:

     No use cooking for one.

     Needed the sugar and caffeine to keep going.

     Really no reason for smoking other than I wanted to.

Now, here I sit, with class just under two hours away, snacking on chips and cheese and trying to drink two liters of water in the next hour or two so that I am somewhat hydrated. It is my work study night, so I need to be there anyway. Might as well take class. Don't really want to. I'm tired, my knees ache, and I've had back spasms on and off since this morning. I am a wreck, and the last thing I want to do is sweat and pull and bend and groan and twist, twist, twist. Yet, given all of this, something inside tells me to keep going.

I stopped by the studio on Sunday to pick up the recycling. Sweetie is in charge of recycling and we are lucky to have two huge bins which the city empties weekly. As tired as I was, when I walked past the room, I paused. Both sets of doors were open slightly (class had ended 10 minutes earlier). As I walked past, I felt the heat hit me... must have been really toasty in there!! I stopped short and let the heat flow around me. The smells of the room overtook my nostrils -- the strong scent of perspiration, along with traces of tea tree oil and disinfectant (used when we clean the room). Added to those aromas, I swear, for just a fleeting moment, that I could smell emotions. Determination. Pain. Anger. Joy. Disappointment. Fear. Defeat. Surrender (not the same as defeat). For that tenth of a second, I think my mind went to a different place, a different level. I very badly wanted to take class right then and there. The moment stayed with me so briefly. I've tried to get back there but to no avail. Instead, my mind has dealt with the last six days, and now I don't even want to go. I feel like a failure (again). I'm so weak and inflexible and my mind is mush. At times I feel like giving up my work study spot and my practice. I feel like I do before I started practicing. Fat. Lazy. Without direction. Yes, at times I've wanted to cry. Cannot cry though... Don't let them see you cry....


                                             ************************************

My last class actually wasn't bad. It was last Thursday and the Really Difficult Teacher (I wrote about her here ) was teaching. Since the class was smaller than usual, I set up on the front row, something I rarely do and haven't tried in ages. Since I don't wear my glasses in class, It is blurry from the second row, and very difficult to focus on myself from the back row. Any way, she was her usual self -- pushing and pushing and asking us to take off the "training wheels" and push ourselves to a new level. This time however, most everything she said was clicking with me. I begin to see where she's coming from when she tells what us what muscles and bones are involved in a given posture.  Triangle was still elusive, but in Hands-to-Feet, as I pulled on my heels, I felt a sharp pop-pop-pop as my spine actually moved! I felt really strange for a second, then I couldn't keep from smiling. Definitely the high-point of class. I just wish she would hold it to six counts instead of 10-12 in Pranayama. Just saying...

One last thing for instructors: Want to make second set of Triangle more enjoyable? Find out if anyone is having a birthday in the next day or two. If so, once you get to "...just move your arms", have everyone sing "Happy Birthday" then come out and return to the set position. I actually made it through that set!!

Anyhow, time to shut it down. I'm going to go, and set up in the front. I am going to try my hardest and try to breathe correctly. Hopefully I find that place I found on Sunday, if only for a moment.

Peace.

Thought for the day...

"Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on."

-- Steve Jobs   1955-2011 

So, what am I waiting for? 

 

Just. Get. There.

I really don't have too much to report. Work is more difficult than normal. There seems to be so little time right now. My last class was on Sunday, and it actually wasn't that bad. Since then, I've had chances to go but I've had little to no motivation. It is unseasonably hot here (my computer says it is 102.... cold front finally due tonight) and I feel like it is going to be a tough class today. My gear is ready. I'm dressed. Class is 43 minutes from now and still I have no desire to go. At all. It's going to be rough. It's going to be hot. I haven't eaten well the last few days weeks, nor have I stayed properly hydrated.

Why do I do this?

My struggles make the idea of actually going through nine weeks of Teacher Training seem even more impossible. I'm keeping up with the goings on in LA through several different blogs (just check my list). Those people are only in the second week.... don't think I could make it through one! I have so much respect for anyone who undertakes such a challenge. (Challenge.... I can't even muster the interest in attempting any sort of challenge; whether it's 7 days, 10, 30, or 60.)

Well, it's time. Shutting it down and heading to the studio.

Just.     Get.      There.

Peace.

Thought for the day...

"It's not the load that breaks you,

it's how you carry it."

-- Unknown