April Challenge: Days 1-5

As I wrote last time, I started a 30 day Bikram challenge on April 1st. From time to time during the month, I'll bring you up to speed. 

Days 1 & 2

Wednesday evening marked class number one. Sadly, the class was much the same as they have been these past two months. I felt like the dialogue was in an unknown language; that body and mind were both still weak and not communicating with each other. I faded in and out during the floor series, seemingly exhausted. Thursday's class wasn't much better: I simply felt (as I have for a while) that I just didn't belong there anymore. That yoga was turning into a sick torture I was imposing on myself. I wished I hadn't declared this challenge. I wanted to go home. The only reason I stayed was that I had been asked to work an extra cleaning shift so I really had no choice. I got through it, did my cleaning, and went home. I was soooo NOT into this challenge. 

Day 3

When you commit to a challenge, you realize that there will always be a day or two when getting to the studio will be impossible. For me, that means most Saturdays because of my job. This means that you will have to double up on classes on certain days.

Good Friday was one such day for me. I headed to the studio for the 4:30pm class hoping that it would be a large class. This way, I could set up near the back and just ease my way through -- kind of like a 90 minute stretching session. Then I could really give it a go in the 6:30 class.

Of course, no such luck. There were only nine of us in class so the instructor has us all line up on the second row so he can walk around and get a 360 degree view of the postures. I thought, "This will not go well."

How wrong could I be?

Because it was a small class, the instructor was able to be more one-on-one with each of us. He helped us with the finer points of alignment, even moving us physically (after asking permission to touch) to get us into better form. The result was I had the BEST class in weeks! I actually felt strong again. The dialogue made sense again. I felt calm again. It was beautiful. The tip he gave me was that really helped came in Floor Bow. He moved my hands down closer to my ankles in order to keep my wrists straight during the entire posture. It made a huge difference!


The 6:30 had a few more people but the next instructor just let us set up where we wanted. I started to feel wobbly as we got close to the end of the Standing Series, but had another (for me) strong class. I even allowed myself a smile as class ended. I'm most proud of the fact that in three hours of yoga, I attempted every posture, did every sit-up and very breathing exercise. The post-yoga shower was bliss.

Day 4

Saturday was a bonus. Having to go to work earlier than normal meant I could make the 3:00 class. Dashing straight to the studio from work meant little time to calm down and let the workday go. Started off a bit shaky but got my breathing under control. Balance was more of an issue, probably because I was taking my third class in exactly 24 hours. Felt really good but it was a tough class. Again, a very technical class with lots of corrections for everyone.

Day 5

Easter Sunday. Early morning rain made me want to stay in bed but I needed to get in and get done before I lost the will to go. I generally loathe morning classes because I am just not flexible. Plus, when you take the first class of the day, the room is hot but dry. No one has been sweating and the carpet is really dry which means I slip a lot when we are straddling the mat for three postures. I went in this morning with the word "gentle" in my mind. I was very careful to go easy because my body was so tight -- I didn't go as deep into postures because I was inflexible. I took breaks. How tight was I? When doing the situps, I could not reach or grab my toes. I wasn't even close. That's OK. I went. I tried my best. That is what counts.

So, six classes in five days. Not a bad start, but far to go. The next five to ten classes will show just what I am capable of -- if I stay present and focused and try the right way.

A friend reminded me this morning that Easter is about death and rebirth. Hoping to be reborn a stronger, wiser, better human being.

Namaste.

Up Front

By now at least some of you know that I am not a fan of practicing on the front row. I've got my spots on the second or third row that I love, and the corner spot on the fourth row for those times when by body doesn't feel bendy or I have eaten like a pig for a day or two. I know you aren't supposed to get attached to one spot in the room but it's all too easy to stay in the same spot for each class.

One afternoon a couple of weeks ago I was in my usual spot: second row on the right (hot) side of the room. One woman on the front row, nobody behind us. Then another woman took the spot in the corner to my right on the front row. Then with time winding down before class began, Florence (one of our instructors) took a third spot in the front. Still, there was no one behind me. So, for some reason, I grabbed my gear and took the last spot up front between Florence and the woman in the corner. 

"Feeling all alone. Thought I'd join you", I whispered to Florence. She beamed and gave me a high five. 

As class commenced, our instructor, Shannon, advised that he was not going to adjust the fans on our side due to a broken switch. Florence, who likes the room warmer than most, gave a thumbs up. 

"Yikes. What did I just do?", was my thought. 

So, off we went. As we started the second set of Pranayama, a regular front row student came in and, finding no room up front, took my original spot in the second row. 

"Damn! I knew I should have stayed put!". Quickly I calmed down and got on with the class. 

The biggest advantage to being up front is obviously getting an unobstructed view of yourself. Extra important for me since things are blurry without my glasses. Up front, you're not looking past people. It truly is easier to focus in on yourself. It also sucks, especially when I look at my body. As stated before, I hate looking in any mirror: studio, bath, or otherwise. Negative thoughts creep in about my shape, my weight, my lack of balance, etc. On the front row it was worse, especially when practicing next to or in front of such proficient students. Example: in Standing Head-to-Knee I know these ladies are all kicking out beautifully while I'm fumbling about trying to grab my foot while keeping my knee locked. In Standing Bow I know they are all rock steady while I'm working hard to keep my balance and not crash into one of them. As in many areas, I felt like I really did not belong in the front row. I felt out of place. 

The other big reason is that the heat always seems more intense up front. Now I like the hot side of the room, but on the front row it's REALLY hot. Why? Because the heat bounces off the mirrors and back at you. When the fans are on higher settings, the heat comes off the mirrors even faster. It's like being in a convection oven! Now, I sweat a lot in class, but I swear it was even worse in the front row. My work-study partner says she feels her skin get hotter when she is next to the mirrors. 

I made it through the class pretty well. I did lay out during stretching - I simply had nothing left. Being up front, and practicing alongside an instructor, did make me give a more honest effort and my postures were, in fact, better. No taking it easy in a posture. No sitting out Triangle. No doing only one set of Rabbit. 

Taking a chance and moving up front must have done something inside me as well. Why? Well this past Thursday I was able to take an extra class (normally it is tough to make a Thursday). There was a lady in my normal spot on the second row, so I just took a spot a couple of paces to her right. After a few minutes, I thought, "What the hell", and moved up to the front row and assumed Savasana. When the lights came on, I rose up to discover that the lady in question had followed me up to the front row. 

You never know how your actions affect others...

Namaste.  

PS: Last week I was on the front row for a third time... What is going on?...

"The Real Yoga Begins on the Floor" -- Part One

Thanks to a quirk in my work schedule, I had this past Saturday off from work. How did I use this wonderful gift? Well, by attending the normal 10:00AM Bikram class, then staying for a special event: a beginner's workshop dedicated solely to Bikram's floor series. An extra hour and 45 minutes in the room with no Triangle Pose? Bliss...  ;)

Although we were there to work on floor poses, our instructor started by discussing the Standing Series -- why we start with Pranayama (to stretch the lungs in preparation for class), then Half-Moon with Hands-to-Feet (to begin to extend the spine in all four directions). She continued by explaining that in Awkward and Eagle, we begin to work the largest muscles in the body (thighs, glutes, hips, calves) as well as begin to open up the joints. Next, she reminded us that not only that one posture builds on the last and prepares for the next, but each group of postures builds upon the previous. The warm-up postures prepare us for the Balancing Series (Standing Head-to-Knee, Standing Bow, Balancing Stick), which prepare us for the Separate Leg Postures (Separate Leg Stretching, Triangle, Separate Leg Head-to-Knee, Tree, Toestand).

She then reminded us that (and I'm paraphrasing) :

"The Standing postures are the "sexy" postures -- the curves of Half-Moon or Bow; the beauty of a well done Standing Head to Knee or Eagle. We work very hard in those postures. You must always remember, however, to save as much energy as possible during the Standing Series. Why? Because the Standing Series is simply the warmup.

The true Hatha Yoga begins on the floor.

Hatha Yoga is defined by Yoga Journal as follows:

The word hatha means willful or forceful. Hatha yoga refers to a set of physical exercises (known as asanas or postures), and sequences of asanas, designed to align your skin, muscles, and bones. The postures are also designed to open the many channels of the body—especially the main channel, the spine—so that energy can flow freely.
Hatha is also translated as ha meaning "sun" and tha meaning "moon." This refers to the balance of masculine aspects—active, hot, sun—and feminine aspects—receptive, cool, moon—within all of us. Hatha yoga is a path toward creating balance and uniting opposites. In our physical bodies we develop a balance of strength and flexibility. We also learn to balance our effort and surrender in each pose.

The more basic definition we are given is, "Moving in and out of postures slowly and deliberately, breathing always normal." 

I say this because, before we began working on postures, our instructor took a moment to talk about the dialogue; specifically why it can be so wordy at times. Again I paraphrase:

"First the dialogue provides a precise way of entering the posture safely. From the podium, we see so many times where students jump ahead of the dialogue, sometimes forcing themselves into the posture in an unsafe manner, which can lead to injury. Second, the dialogue provides a way to keep you in the posture ('...keep kicking, don't stop kicking, the harder you kick you can balance forever'). In addition, the dialogue asks you to 'focus', 'concentrate', and 'meditate' to help you work on the mental aspect of the practice." Finally, the dialogue allows you to exit the posture safely. Please, slow down, listen to the dialogue, and follow the words exactly."

For the workshop, there was the lead instructor plus a second instructor who moved about the room helping to check alignment and answer questions. In addition, we had a young lady demonstrate each posture before we did the posture ourselves -- and she was outstanding. So, we were asked to move into Savasana for two minutes, and off we went!!

For each posture, I'm going to try and give the key points given during each demonstration. If there is an error then it is mine for not recalling correctly.

Savasana: You must learn to get into Savasana quickly and efficiently. Don't worry about the sweat dripping in your ear, or that your costume has bunched up in a most uncomfortable way. Each posture constricts the flow of blood to a certain area of the body. When you come out of the posture and assume Savasana, your blood flow becomes totally unrestricted, allowing the blood to flush out your joints and move toxins out of the body. Why is Savasana 20 seconds long between postures? Because it takes approximately 20 seconds for the blood to make one complete circuit of your body!!

When taking Savasana on your stomach, always work to get your ear all the way down to the floor, giving your neck muscles a gentle stretch.

Wind-Removing:  The grip is important: two inches below the knee. (At this point she had us grip our hands together tightly and look at how the knuckles/joints turned white because the blood flow had been stopped.) Always strive to get your shoulder, knee, and heel all in one line. There is always a tendency to roll to one side or another -- work to keep the opposite shoulder on the floor.  Chin always to the chest.


Sit-up: Should be all one motion. Too many people do it in two or more parts -- throwing their arms forward to yank themselves up off the floor, then roll forward to reach the toes. As I watched the demonstration, I thought of rolling up your mat -- arms always with the ears, try to curl up from head to waist and reach forward to grab the toes. I am horrible at situps; mainly because my core is so soft that I almost have to do the situp in segments. Still, after trying it as demonstrated a couple of times, I started to get the idea. Don't forget to grab the big toes and pull at the end (rarely happens for me). 

Cobra: How do you make certain your hands are placed correctly? Roll slightly to one side or the other and look down. If you can see the tops of your fingers, move them back. Legs together, knees locked, hip muscles/glutes contracted. When demonstrated, you could see the line across her lower back where blood flow was being restricted. Keep challenging yourself to look up higher -- "...where the eyes go the body follows".

Locust: Read the following dialogue (as best as I can recall):

"Get your arms underneath the body, lie on top of your elbows, palms facing down, pinky fingers touching, spread your fingers out and grab the floor, your elbows are supposed to hurt.

Chin to the floor."

What do the vast majority of us do first? We move our chin to the floor first, which is wrong. (See what happens when you listen and focus on the dialogue? I'm still reeling from that.)

Push your hands down and towards the back wall in order to gain the leverage to lift each leg or both legs. Remember that we are attempting to work the upper spine here, as opposed to the lower spine in Cobra. Another revelation for me: how high you lift the leg(s) is much less important than making sure your leg is straight, toes pointed, knees locked and hip on the floor. Don't roll your hip up to get height -- that ruins the alignment of the spine and renders the posture useless. Finally, you must keep your mouth on the towel when lifting both legs -- else you risk injury to the cervical spine.

Full-Locust: Now we are working the middle of the spine. When you go up, make sure that the arms stay level with your head, and that the arms go up, then back. Don't hold your breath when lifting up!

Floor Bow: When you grab your feet, placement of the hands is crucial. Try to grab the feet so that your pinky fingers touch your feet just where your toes join the foot (hope that makes sense -- if you can't see your toes your hands are too high, if you can see part of the foot between your toes and hand then it is too low). Just as in the standing version, you are not pulling the feet up with hands, you are kicking your legs up. Keep looking up and try not to rock back and forth -- roll forward and never stop kicking.

Halfway through and time to stop for now. Hope this helps rather than hinders your practice. As always, your instructor is the most reliable source of information. I'm simply relating what I saw and heard to the best of my ability. I can and often do get things wrong. Double check with your instructor. Please leave a comment or drop a line to the email address above if I'm incorrect about something.

Back soon with the second half!

Namaste.

MasterClass

Just over a week ago, I found myself in the hot room on a Saturday morning. This was unusual, as I am at work on most Saturdays. Even more unusual was the fact that I wasn't simply there to take a normal class. This would be different -- a MasterClass.

The notice stated that students would be led,  "...through Bikram's Beginner Series as we all know it, spending extra time to share information on alignment, execution, adjustments and modification as well as medical benefits. This is a great opportunity to learn more about the yoga and take your practice to a new level; it will surely be great fun to experience a slightly more interactive and colloquial class than usual. So drink up, sign up, see you there!!".

The first thing I noticed when I got there was the buzz. In the room, the normal 8:00AM class was wrapping up, but there were a lot of people sitting in the boutique/lobby. There was also a bit of a line at the desk of people waiting to sign up. Several instructors were running about taking care of people and prepping last minute things. I saw more than a few familiar faces (including a yoga buddy from back in the day), and some people who were visiting to take this class. The room filled up quickly and I was able to snag a second row spot for myself and a front row spot for YB. I stretched and tried to remain calm -- I was beginning to feel a bit overwhelmed by it all.

There was good reason, too. As we rose to start class, I took a quick look around to find myself surrounded by fit, healthy men and women (there were more gents in there than one might expect). I saw lean, fit, healthy bodies all around -- and then there was my reflection in the mirror . Pale, doughy, blobby , the antithesis of fitness. I tried to wipe those thoughts away and focus on the task at hand.

Eugene, our instructor, has practiced for over eight years and has been in competitons. He is outstanding at quietly getting the most out of you -- almost lulling you into a trance with his voice while just killing you (well, me, anyway) in the postures. That is not negative in any way -- he is one of the best human beings you will ever meet, and he is a great teacher. If you've been around long enough, you've heard the phrase, "The instructor (or class) you dread the most is the one you need the most." For me, Eugene fits that to a T.

The class lasted just over two hours, and most of it is still a blur. Here's what I can tell you:

1) From the off, the energy in the room was so positive, so supporting. At times the postures were so easy simply because everyone was working in unison. Sure, people fell out but got right back to it. I really felt the difference -- it was a living, breathing definition of Namaste.

2) Lots of focus on anatomy and setup. For instance, when doing backbends, do not think of only pushing your hips forward, think instead of pushing your pubic bone/pelvis forward. This automatically pushes the hips forward. Not only in the standing postures, but in Camel, too.

3) Lots of emphasis on the feet in standing/balancing postures. Lots of emphasis on the inner thigh muscles and how they are critical to establishing a stable posture (to stop rolling over on the ankle when on one leg).

4) Exiting the posture correctly and safely is JUST AS IMPORTANT as entering the posture. Do not simply pop back up or out of a posture. You take time to go in properly, you can undo the good work you've done (and injure yourself) by hurrying out of it.

There was so much more to tell but I simply could not absorb it all. It was a wonderful experience. By the time class was over, my mat and towel were absolutely soaked, but I really felt good! Not just physically, but mentally as well. I was quite proud that I was able to hang in for the duration. The staff was awesome about keeping the room just right. Adjustments were continually made: exhaust fan on, or ceiling fans up/down, even cracking the doors every so often. Everyone was on the same wavelength, and the two ladies who did demonstrations were very accomplished.

If you get a chance to attend one of these, DO NOT PASS IT UP!! You will not regret it!!

Hoping your next class is your best.

Peace.

When one class simply isn't enough...

Vacation is coming to an end. In a few hours, it's back to the mind numbing, day to day grind. My goal for these eight days was to attend nine classes. Naturally this meant that somewhere I'd have to do a double.

I've taken two classes in a day before but never the true, back to back double. So, after yesterday's class (which was quite strong), I made sure to drink at least 5 liters of water (with a little coffee thrown in at breakfast) and stretch throughout the day. Cleaning house and doing more loads of laundry than I can count kept me moving and my body loose. A good night's sleep and there I was at 7:35 this morning to take the 8 and 10AM classes.

The only word that comes to mind is AMAZING.

Knowing that there was three full hours of yoga ahead of me, I knew I had to keep some energy in reserve. So, for the first class, I took it slowly. In each posture, I didn't go to my edge where I might fall out, but just short. I figure I was going 80-90% into the posture -- where I could feel the stretches and compressions while keeping my breathing under control.

You know in the dialogue where they say, "The slower you go, the better you do..."?

They (yet again) are correct!

My floor series in the first class was so much better than normal!! I did all the postures -- even gave it full effort in both sets of Rabbit, which isn't normal at all. Overall, the first class was quite the success. After a pint of coconut water and a costume change, I was ready for class number two. As an added challenge, I moved from my comfortable spot on the right side of the room all the way across to the far left side (got to beware of attachments, you know).

Quite simply, my second class was phenomenal.

The warm-up was actually quite difficult. Half-moon was harder the second time, as was Awkward. After that, things went more easily. In Eagle, I got each foot behind the leg and held it for almost the entire time! Then, after Party Time, the miracle happened. I was able to actually lock the knee and kick out the leg in Standing Head-to-Knee. In both sets!!! Couldn't kick out straight, and couldn't stay there long, but I finally got there!! I was amazed and pretty damn proud of that! The rest of the Standing series was a blur. Took a knee twice but I was just so happy about such a huge improvement in SH2K. Even took a crack at Toestand, which I used to love but a balky right knee has made very difficult.

The floor series was harder but I actually went further in most of the postures than I have in a long time! My spine-strengthening set was so much better! After that I started to falter, but fortunately I was surrounded by three ladies and a gentleman who, by simply continuing to do posture after posture, kept me focused and energized. Each time I thought about taking a set off, they would all rise as one. I just wasn't going to try a double and lay out the final 25 minutes. With their silent assistance, I did every posture and made it through. My post-class mineral water has rarely tasted so good.

Overall, since the first class was a warmup, I was so much more flexible for the second. Therefore, instead of using my strength to find flexibility, I was (for once) using my flexibility to gain strength. In addition, my mind was more clear in the second class. There was less mental resistance, less "monkey mind", and more surrendering to the moment. It really was just a matter of listening intently and moving and breathing. Finally, the second class seemed to fly by. It was hard to believe I has just finished two back to back classes, let alone survived them so well!!

It can't be done all the time, but if you can invest a full morning or afternoon I hope you try to do a double. Your body, your mind, and your practice will thank you.


Namaste.

Twenty classes later...

Hello again!

Tonight will mark the 21st class since returning to my Bikram yoga practice 45 days ago.

What have I learned?

1) I still love it! -- I just feel so grateful to be able to practice on a regular basis. To see old friends, to make new friends; to meet, take class from, and learn from new instructors -- it has just been amazing.

2) I have far to go... just to get back to the level I was at when I had to stop practicing. However, that is OK, because...

3) I understand more -- Since I already know the sequence of postures and how hot the room can get, there was less fear or apprehension at actually performing the postures. My only fear was that I would simply be unable to do a lot to begin with. Further, because I already know what to expect...

4) Things are "clicking " faster -- especially over the last 10 days or so. Last Thursday was the best class I've had since returning. My focus was really good, and I began to do more of the postures for longer. The first set of Standing Bow that night ranked right up there with the best I've ever done!

5) While some things are different -- Most of the instructors stick to the dialogue exclusively, and I think there have been a few tweaks to the dialogue. The more senior instructors do include tips and "mind-vitamins" for you to think about. Also, I think there is more attention is paid to making sure we get into the postures correctly -- "The setup determines the posture."

6) Some things remain the same --  What can I say? Triangle Pose is still a bitch. However, I must say that in the last week it has gotten better. I still fall out on almost every set, but I'm getting stronger little by little. Same thing happens in the next posture (Separate Leg Forehead to Knee).

7) Any posture in which I must tuck my chin to my chest is agony -- Standing Separate Leg Head to Knee, Rabbit, and Head to Knee w/ Stretching -- these just suck. I think it's because of the bronchitis that sent me to hospital last year, but anytime I do those poses I automatically feel like I'm not going to be able to breathe and I begin to panic and come up for air. This will take a lot more focus and discipline on my part.

8) I used to love the Spine Strengthening Series -- now it gives me fits. Especially in Locust. Before the hiatus I was doing a reasonable Locust. Now, I can barely get one leg up let alone both. Then in Fixed-Firm, my hips have closed so much I cannot sit myself down on the floor. Soon, though. Soon.

9) Camel makes me feel really weird -- The fact that I can do Camel at all so quickly is mind-boggling. However, I feel really strange once I come out. You always hear how "things will come up... or out" in Camel, but it never happened to me previously -- or perhaps I simply wasn't aware of it. I don't feel ill when I come up and out of the posture, just "disconnected" for a few seconds. Or perhaps I feel "more" connected. I don't fear it, but I need to try and understand it.

And finally...

10) IT STILL WORKS!! -- Yes, the yoga still works. Question the man who put it together on many counts, but don't question the yoga. I feel better. I'm eating better. I'm learning (and re-learning) more about myself. I love it!!

Thanks for stopping by... leave a comment if you have been moved... would love to hear from you!!

Namaste.


PS: While on vacation this week, trying to go to nine classes in eight days... I'll let you know how it turns out.





 

Energy

Last time, I wrote that I had to find a way to make it last Sunday's community class at Sumits.

I did get to class. It was amazing.

Not for the class I had. It was amazing for the positive energy in that room.

The community class is held each Sunday at 4 PM. Five dollars, cash only, for those who do not currently have a package. The Facebook post from the studio said to get there early because of the potential for a full room, and they were not kidding. Class started at 4 so I arrived at 3:25 to make sure I could get in. As I pulled in to the lot parking was already a concern. The studio is in a small strip mall with an AT&T store on one side of the studio and a pizzeria (yes, a pizzeria -- talk about temptation!) on the other. I found a spot to park and, as if on cue, about nine other yogis/yoginis popped out of their vehicles. I grabbed my gear and headed for the door. The line was out the door! -- talk about the power of yoga! I paid and made my way into the room. Staff members were helping to find spots for everyone and remind them of proper etiquette (no shoes in the room, please...). The front row was full and the second row was almost full, so I dropped my mat in the back corner under one of the heaters (yay!). Men and women of all ages, sizes, and backgrounds were there. The room continued to fill, with the staff gently asking people to slide one way or the other. The sign on the door quotes a maximum occupancy of 63, and while there weren't that many people in there, I don't believe you could have squeezed another soul in there. I think they cut it off at around 40 or so. and by the time class began I was right up against the mirror on the side of the room. The instructor entered the room and off we went. I don't know where it came from, but I was smiling to myself as we started warm-up.

The room was HOT! I was sweating before we even started, which I loved. The instructor was really keeping tabs on the heat and humidity, so the conditions were never debilitating. It has been more than a month since I practiced, so I expected nothing. As class progressed, I was having difficulty remembering what to do and how to do it, but I didn't really care. My thoughts kept going to the energy, the vibe, the positive feelings in that room. It didn't matter that I was having problems with being strong enough or flexible enough or breathing correctly -- I was actually keeping my focus and having a great, fun class! The last part of the standing series was really hard, and I was very glad to hit the floor. Still, I could feel the energy of the room helping me to press on through the rest of class. Even as class ended, and there was a mad dash to the door, I lay still until the room became quiet again, soaking in that positive flow for as long as I could.

We hear the word energy used every time we step in a yoga room -- no matter what type we practice. We are encouraged to contribute our energy to the room, to our practice, even to the Universe. There are classes when the energy in the room is so-so, or even non-existent. There are classes when the energy in the room is decidedly negative -- sometimes even close to malevolent. We are taught to recognize and fight through this. Then, there are classes where you just float happily through the practice. Last Sunday was one of those. The surprise for me was just how intense that positivity was -- and how much it did help.

I will be back this Sunday. Hopefully, the good vibes will continue.

                     **************************************************
Help: I broke down and got a smartphone a couple of weeks ago. Does anyone know of any good apps about yoga or meditation? Let me know.

Namaste.

Losing touch....

A month since my last post. A little more than that since the studio was abruptly closed. I have since learned that the studio was actually sold to one of our newer instructors. She is currently renovating the studio -- or, finishing  the renovations that were started by the previous owners. She is keeping us posted via Facebook (photos included). Currently, the hope is that the studio will resume operations in early January, with a full Grand Opening in February. No word yet on whether we get to stay on work-study, but I am hopeful.

While the wait goes on, I have found myself slipping more and more into old habits. While I have had only four cigarettes in the last 12 days (Very Good), I am once again eating everything in sight. Doesn't matter whether or not I am actually hungry or not, I just eat. And eat. And eat. I bet I've gained almost 10 pounds. This with the holiday season nigh upon us. Worse, I wonder more and more about whether or not I really want to continue my practice.

Almost two weeks ago, I made the drive out to the studio in Arlington. I was happy to run into some of the regulars from Ft. Worth -- including one of our instructors. The Arlington studio is very nice indeed, as are the staff. They have been very helpful to those of us who have no home at the moment. Anyhow, the longer class went on, the more I felt like I didn't belong. Not just that I didn't belong in that room, but that I had no business being there, doing yoga, at all. The yoga felt very foreign to me -- not just because I was extremely stiff and had no sort of strength or balance. I felt really weird just being there trying to do the postures -- worse even than during my very first class. I was completely uncomfortable and unnerved. As I lay on the floor, sitting out most of the floor series, I kept asking myself, "Why did I even come here? I'm just kidding myself... I'm really not cut out for this stuff. I could easily stop practicing and few if any would notice my departure. Why not just give this up? Face it, I could do this for the rest of my days and I doubt that I will ever really improve. I mean, really, two years of this and I still can't do Triangle? I still sit out postures? Why bother? I tried, and I failed. Move on."

As I type tonight, I feel pretty much the same way.

 On a happier note, the latest Teacher Training concluded yesterday. I would like to say "Congratulations!!" to all who made it through, but especially to the following people who blogged about their adventure:

Kat -- A Sweaty Adventure

Tiffany -- The Hot Yoga Girl

Shavon -- bikram or bust

Alice Istanbul

Miss Copsey -- peace under pressure

Extra props to Ms. Istanbul -- in the midst of Training, she hopped a jet back to Florida to compete in the Southeast Regional Asana Championships -- and place FIRST in the Georgia Women's Division!!!

To all of you: it was really fun to follow your adventures. I wish all of you the best as you embark on your teaching careers.

Peace.

Focus. Part 2

So, I went to class last night. My one thought: Focus. Focus on the posture, focus on my breath, and focus on myself in the mirror.

How did I do?

Well, things started off well. Pranayama went well, and I tried to kill it in Half-Moon. In the Hands-to-Feet portion, I actually got this close to getting both hands behind my heels (in the first set, anyway). Awkward went better than usual, though I still can't stand on my tiptoes. Eagle was great (still my favorite standing posture). The thing I took away from this was this: When I slowed down and told myself to "Focus!", the posture was better. Not easier, but better. This went on until Triangle, when I began to lose that focus, and the same old thoughts popped up in my brain. This time, however, instead of letting those thoughts derail me, I was able to clear my mind and focus on the instructor's words. (If you think focus isn't important, consider that the instructor used the word at least six times, probably closer to ten.) I got back up for SSLH2K, then Tree and Toe Stand. Not too bad, but still very wobbly in Tree.

The floor set went OK. My focus was not as good, but I was just glad to make it to the end. (This past Sunday, I abandoned class at Half-Tortoise -- the left side of my back was hurting.) My back still hurt last night. I pretty much ignored the Spine-Strengthening poses, and I came out of Camel way early, but I hung in. Overall, I thought it was a good bounce-back class, and I felt a lot better, both physically and mentally.

No yoga today -- back at it tomorrow.

Peace.

Focus.

This is going to be short, as I must leave for class in a little while. I have been in a bit of a funk recently, as anyone who reads the last few posts will realize. This afternoon at lunch, I re-read the latest post from Colleen at Transformations . Please check it out at your leisure -- it's well worth the time. Anyhow, part of the post deals with her recent discomfort in the room. The part that reached out and slapped me in the face was as follows:

"Right there in the middle of class, it occurred to me that I was uncomfortable (and of course, I was supposed to be...this is Bikram Yoga after all) and my mind was trying hard to find a solution or a way out or anything other than facing the fact that my body was uncomfortable in that moment!   It was so simple!   So I settled down and recognized that every time an irritated thought came into my head it was just my brain trying to sort out this environment I was in.  I didn't need to listen to it.  I just lovingly noticed what it was doing and brushed it aside.  Focus on the posture, focus on my breath, and focus on myself in the mirror."

 That, ladies and gentlemen, is my mantra for the evening.

Focus.

Focus.

  Focus.   

I'll let you know how it goes.

Peace.