April Challenge: In a Daze

(On April 1st, I started a 30 day Bikram Yoga Challenge. Here is the latest update.)

As the title suggests, this week has been a blur. After a day off last Saturday, I was back in the chamber for a Sunday morning class. In addition to the normal stiffness and difficulty, the heat wasn't working well for the first half of class. To counter the cooler than normal conditions, the instructor advised us to not attempt to go as deep into the postures as usual. In addition, she moved us through the standing series at a faster pace to help get us as warm as possible. This meant little to no rest between postures; it was a sprint through the standing set. It worked pretty well -- I was sweating almost as much as normal. Somewhere around halfway, the heat kicked in, and all was as it should be. It was really not that bad a class. If nothing else, it reinforced the idea of being mindful: staying present and focusing on entering and exiting the postures properly and safely. 

The classes on Monday and Tuesday were strong for me. What I am most pleased about was that a) I did every Triangle, and b) my Locust Pose continues to improve. That really is huge for me! Triangle has seemed to get a little easier with each class. I believe it is because my hips are trying to open. I think my hips are trying to open because I am getting closer and closer to a proper Hands-to-Feet pose (my hips scream at me as I try to get my hands to hook under my heels). Locust still scares me at times because my lower back is still not strong enough but its getting better.

So, we come to Wednesday. 

Ugh. 

It was just horrid. Earlier in the day, I let someone steal my peace. I became angry and upset. The reason is not important. In fact, in retrospect it really wasn't that big a deal. Anyhow, I had zero desire to do yoga. The fact that I was doing a challenge and that it was one of my nights to clean the studio were the only reasons I was there. I could not focus, I had no balance, and I just kept staring at my gut in the mirror. Result: I was down for the count at Triangle. I just laid down and checked out. My work-study partner was concerned enough to ask if I was ok, which was really sweet. I went home, went to bed, and tried to just let it go. 

Yesterday (Thursday), I decided I needed to atone for that horrible class the previous night, so I made sure to get to the studio for the 4:30 and 6:30 classes. Best decision I've made this week! I always go into a double thinking that I will just take it easy in the first class, then go all out in the second. The energy in the room (and the instructors) usually dictate otherwise. The energy in the first class was awesome. Everyone was doing their best, and it made for a great experience! Instead of taking it easy, I poured myself out on the mat, did every posture, and felt really great at the end. A quick change and some coconut water later, the 6:30 began. The class had a few more people, and the row in front of me was populated by an instuctor and two very strong students. Result? Excellent! I simply tried to be as deliberate and calm as they were and almost forgot that this was my second class of the day. Now, my muscles began to talk to me in the last half hour, but I was able to make it through. That may have been the best double I've ever done. I'm writing this post on Friday morning and I feel better than normal!

One other thing I've really been working in this week: conserving energy by economizing my movements during the floor series. Example: when getting into Camel Pose, I turn and roll over from my mat, push myself up to a kneeling position, and then walk on my knees back onto the mat. When the pose is over, I flop around to get onto my back for Savasana. At times I must look like a wildebeest that just took a tranquilizer dart, all stumbling and twitching. Now, the idea is to stay within the confines of the mat at all times. Instead of rolling around, I press my hands into the mat, kick my legs out, turn over, and lay down. Not only am I making smoother transitions (and saving precious energy), I'm making less of a spectacle and making things a bit more peaceful for those near me. 

So that's where I stand, except now it's Friday afternoon and I'm on the bus home. Then I grab my gear and head for the bus to the studio. Tomorrow is another off day, then back for more on Sunday.

Namaste. 

April Challenge: Days 1-5

As I wrote last time, I started a 30 day Bikram challenge on April 1st. From time to time during the month, I'll bring you up to speed. 

Days 1 & 2

Wednesday evening marked class number one. Sadly, the class was much the same as they have been these past two months. I felt like the dialogue was in an unknown language; that body and mind were both still weak and not communicating with each other. I faded in and out during the floor series, seemingly exhausted. Thursday's class wasn't much better: I simply felt (as I have for a while) that I just didn't belong there anymore. That yoga was turning into a sick torture I was imposing on myself. I wished I hadn't declared this challenge. I wanted to go home. The only reason I stayed was that I had been asked to work an extra cleaning shift so I really had no choice. I got through it, did my cleaning, and went home. I was soooo NOT into this challenge. 

Day 3

When you commit to a challenge, you realize that there will always be a day or two when getting to the studio will be impossible. For me, that means most Saturdays because of my job. This means that you will have to double up on classes on certain days.

Good Friday was one such day for me. I headed to the studio for the 4:30pm class hoping that it would be a large class. This way, I could set up near the back and just ease my way through -- kind of like a 90 minute stretching session. Then I could really give it a go in the 6:30 class.

Of course, no such luck. There were only nine of us in class so the instructor has us all line up on the second row so he can walk around and get a 360 degree view of the postures. I thought, "This will not go well."

How wrong could I be?

Because it was a small class, the instructor was able to be more one-on-one with each of us. He helped us with the finer points of alignment, even moving us physically (after asking permission to touch) to get us into better form. The result was I had the BEST class in weeks! I actually felt strong again. The dialogue made sense again. I felt calm again. It was beautiful. The tip he gave me was that really helped came in Floor Bow. He moved my hands down closer to my ankles in order to keep my wrists straight during the entire posture. It made a huge difference!


The 6:30 had a few more people but the next instructor just let us set up where we wanted. I started to feel wobbly as we got close to the end of the Standing Series, but had another (for me) strong class. I even allowed myself a smile as class ended. I'm most proud of the fact that in three hours of yoga, I attempted every posture, did every sit-up and very breathing exercise. The post-yoga shower was bliss.

Day 4

Saturday was a bonus. Having to go to work earlier than normal meant I could make the 3:00 class. Dashing straight to the studio from work meant little time to calm down and let the workday go. Started off a bit shaky but got my breathing under control. Balance was more of an issue, probably because I was taking my third class in exactly 24 hours. Felt really good but it was a tough class. Again, a very technical class with lots of corrections for everyone.

Day 5

Easter Sunday. Early morning rain made me want to stay in bed but I needed to get in and get done before I lost the will to go. I generally loathe morning classes because I am just not flexible. Plus, when you take the first class of the day, the room is hot but dry. No one has been sweating and the carpet is really dry which means I slip a lot when we are straddling the mat for three postures. I went in this morning with the word "gentle" in my mind. I was very careful to go easy because my body was so tight -- I didn't go as deep into postures because I was inflexible. I took breaks. How tight was I? When doing the situps, I could not reach or grab my toes. I wasn't even close. That's OK. I went. I tried my best. That is what counts.

So, six classes in five days. Not a bad start, but far to go. The next five to ten classes will show just what I am capable of -- if I stay present and focused and try the right way.

A friend reminded me this morning that Easter is about death and rebirth. Hoping to be reborn a stronger, wiser, better human being.

Namaste.

Seekers

They come in one at a time, in pairs, or perhaps in a small group.

A mother and her daughter looking to help themselves... and each other.

A smiling couple, radiant with health, ready to push each other forward to new frontiers of fitness.

A newcomer (be they male/female, young or not so) hesitantly asking if this is, "...where they do that hot yoga?".

They arrive with different goals in mind. Some want to lose weight. Others want to build strength and/or flexibility. Some want an exercise regimen that is a little more gentle on their bodies.  Some are attempting to exercise for the first time in years -- or, perhaps, ever. Still others are looking for something beyond fitness or physical health. They want to (re)connect with something inside themselves that has been missing, or worse, stolen from them. They want to (re)discover the best part of themselves.

So, they try yoga.

They learn to listen:

first to the instructor,

then to their minds,

and finally to their hearts.

They may realize that it's really hard to , "...suck your stomach in", or, "Grab the foot...", or ,"...concentrate one point in the front mirror".

They may realize that one little muscle can turn a good Standing Bow into a fantastic one.

They may realize that one less soda and one more bottle of water can make a world of difference.

They may realize just how badly they have been treating themselves, how poorly they have treated others -- or been treated by others.

They may realize that pain does indeed kill the pain.

They may realize that tears are OK -- and, perhaps for the first time ever, that they control their own destiny. 

If they can persevere, they will realize all of this -- and learn so much more.


One day, they might even recognize just how strong they really are, and if they can do 90 minutes of yoga in a boiling hot room, they really can do any damn thing they want to.

Anytime.

What are you seeking?

What are you waiting for?

Peace.

It's A Partnership

For the last week or so, I have been having a rough time in the room. I'm not talking about sitting out a posture or two. I'm talking about laying out before Triangle and staying down for the remainder of class (Monday). I'm talking about getting fed up and walking out at Camel (Tuesday). I'm talking about feeling so weak and at times ashamed of how poorly I'm doing that I started to reconsider my practice (last night during the floor series).

Let me explain. 

If you have been following along, you know that I hurt my right knee almost two months ago. It's coming along but I still have a lot if trouble balancing on it. Also, the spine series has become problematic -- Cobra is good but Locust, Full Locust, and Floor Bow are painful. Locust is the worst -- each time I attempt to lift a leg -- how do I explain this -- it just feels like there is a power failure at the base of my spine. My leg goes up an inch or two and then I run out of power and my leg falls back down. Trying to lift both legs at the same time is next to impossible. I've managed that only once since returning to practice. 

So what happens next? First, my Fixed Firm pose suffers, as I cannot always get my backside seated on the floor, which infuriates me. Then we get to Half Tortoise, which I have never been able to do correctly, and I get pissed off. Now, Camel has become an issue -- difficult to do both sets, and by then I'm ready to just quit. 

So last night during a Savasna, a horrifying thought popped in my head:

"What if I just can't do this anymore?"

There are times in one's practice that you hear the instructor's voice but aren't really hearing the words. Then there are times when those words cut through the fog in your head like thunder. Last night was one of those times. I do not recall the exact words but the basic idea was as follows:

"Try to let your mind and body work as partners. So often, when the body doesn't do what we want it to do, it becomes adversarial... It turns into 'My knees aren't working right... I can't do this...', as if the knees were you to blame. You abused your knees for years and now you're blaming them? Don't blame your body, WORK WITH YOUR BODY. Be partners. "

Whoa. 

Those words snapped me right back. 

I made it through class and took stock of things:

My nutrition and hydration have not been up to snuff lately. Lots of sweets in the break room, few if any vegetables, not eating regularly, far too much coffee and not enough water. 

Although I have now been to over 50 classes in just over 100 days, I need to attempt a more even schedule -- no more three or four day layoffs if I can help it (fully realizing that sometimes it is unavoidable no matter how hard I try -- and that is ok -- sometimes there ARE more important issues than yoga).

I don't stretch any more before class. Why??

I may be 46 (gulp), but I'm not a damn invalid. I can do yoga! For Chrissakes, just do the damn posture!!

So, what's next? More yoga, of course... including a first on Saturday... a MasterClass.

According to the studio, we will be led, "...through Bikram's Beginner Series as we all knowit, spending extra time to share information on alignment, execution, adjustments and modification as well as medical benefits. This is a great opportunity to learn more about the yoga and take your practice to a new level; it will surely be great fun to experience a slightly more interactive and colloquial class than usual. So drink up, sign up, see you there!!"

Sounds like something I need to be a part of.

I'm in. I'll let you know how it went next week.

Namaste.

No Excuses

This morning I woke to a lovely spring morning. I considered staying in bed, but only for a moment. Sunday mornings are one of the few times I can go to class without too much trouble, so I grabbed my bag and headed out.

I am so glad I did.

I like to get there as early as I can so I can spend more time in the heat to get loose -- especially in the mornings when I am not so flexible. As I walked into the room, I noticed a woman setting up her mat in the front row near where I normally practice. To me it looked like she was simply taking her gear out of a large bag hanging from her right shoulder. I gave no more notice, set up my mat, and lay down to await the beginning of class.

As class began, I noted the woman walking back into the room to take her place. I then realized that she had not had her gear in a bag. That "bag" was actually a rather large, padded sling holding her right arm, which appeared to be in a cast. I was more than a bit shocked. Her right arm was almost completely immobile, but that was not going to stop her. She was there and she was going to do her yoga!

How fantastic is that??!!

Obviously, I didn't want to violate her privacy by staring at her -- I have enough on my hands with my own practice. That said, I did notice her from time to time. She did Pranayama like everyone else -- just with one arm. Half-moon was the same. It really was inspiring that she was doing everything she could. Yes, all of the postures were modified, but who cares? Her hard work got me thinking that my aching knee was really not that big a deal to work through. That thought pushed me to not only hold Standing Bow longer than ever, but also to hang on during both sets of Balancing Stick and Triangle. Yes, I fell out of both, but I got back in and got through them. I did every set of each posture on the floor and it felt great!

I do not know this woman's name, and I did not see her as I left the studio. She does not know me or know what a positive effect she had on me and my practice this morning. 

So next time I think that I'm too tired or too sore or sleep deprived or anything else, I will have a reminder that, really, I don't have a reason NOT to do my yoga. 

NO EXCUSES!!

One other great thing from this morning: I finally did a solid Locust pose! Especially the last part when you lift both legs up -- it felt like old times in the room -- and it was wonderful! 

Have a great week!

Peace.