A month since my last post. A little more than that since the studio was abruptly closed. I have since learned that the studio was actually sold to one of our newer instructors. She is currently renovating the studio -- or, finishing the renovations that were started by the previous owners. She is keeping us posted via Facebook (photos included). Currently, the hope is that the studio will resume operations in early January, with a full Grand Opening in February. No word yet on whether we get to stay on work-study, but I am hopeful.
While the wait goes on, I have found myself slipping more and more into old habits. While I have had only four cigarettes in the last 12 days (Very Good), I am once again eating everything in sight. Doesn't matter whether or not I am actually hungry or not, I just eat. And eat. And eat. I bet I've gained almost 10 pounds. This with the holiday season nigh upon us. Worse, I wonder more and more about whether or not I really want to continue my practice.
Almost two weeks ago, I made the drive out to the studio in Arlington. I was happy to run into some of the regulars from Ft. Worth -- including one of our instructors. The Arlington studio is very nice indeed, as are the staff. They have been very helpful to those of us who have no home at the moment. Anyhow, the longer class went on, the more I felt like I didn't belong. Not just that I didn't belong in that room, but that I had no business being there, doing yoga, at all. The yoga felt very foreign to me -- not just because I was extremely stiff and had no sort of strength or balance. I felt really weird just being there trying to do the postures -- worse even than during my very first class. I was completely uncomfortable and unnerved. As I lay on the floor, sitting out most of the floor series, I kept asking myself, "Why did I even come here? I'm just kidding myself... I'm really not cut out for this stuff. I could easily stop practicing and few if any would notice my departure. Why not just give this up? Face it, I could do this for the rest of my days and I doubt that I will ever really improve. I mean, really, two years of this and I still can't do Triangle? I still sit out postures? Why bother? I tried, and I failed. Move on."
As I type tonight, I feel pretty much the same way.
On a happier note, the latest Teacher Training concluded yesterday. I would like to say "Congratulations!!" to all who made it through, but especially to the following people who blogged about their adventure:
Kat -- A Sweaty Adventure
Tiffany -- The Hot Yoga Girl
Shavon -- bikram or bust
Alice Istanbul
Miss Copsey -- peace under pressure
Extra props to Ms. Istanbul -- in the midst of Training, she hopped a jet back to Florida to compete in the Southeast Regional Asana Championships -- and place FIRST in the Georgia Women's Division!!!
To all of you: it was really fun to follow your adventures. I wish all of you the best as you embark on your teaching careers.
Peace.
I read all the blogs too! So exciting!
ReplyDeleteDont give up on the yoga. I have been doing it for 10 years and still cant do fixed firm, fall out of triangle, cant kick out every time in standing head to knee, and am just now starting to be able to do the third part of awkward. It's a journey and I will never be perfect. But the benefits of the sweat and just doing what I can, will help me so much more mentally than physically. Physically I suck, and there is always one moment in class where I tell myself, "Man, I hate this yoga!", but it never comes at the same moment. And I think I should be better than I am, but isnt this what it teaches us? To accept what is(even grudgingly), and let go of our expectations(even though we fell like we shouldn't have to)? You kept reading the TT blogs, so you must love the yoga deep down, and yes, it isnt convenient for you right now, but you are still questioning, and writing. :)
Hi Mark!
ReplyDeleteI hope you are well. Do not be too hard on yourself please. Also, anybody who is in the yoga room belongs in it! I am sure you have heard it many times: even if you just end up dragging your body there and trying to breathe correctly for 90 minutes, you are doing the right thing. All the best, and I hope the old/new studio can become a home again soon for all students who need and want it to be.
Simmm