"Not ready to stop."

When last I wrote, I needed to take nine classes in seven days to meet the challenge of 60 classes in 60 days.

Challenge completed!

Not without some struggle, however.

The first three classes were relatively easy. The room didn't seem to be as hot, and I did well. The mid-week classes were a nightmare. I had the same feelings I did before starting this challenge -- overwhelmed, frustrated, wondering why I was even there. I related this to a friend who snapped me back to rights:

"Enjoy your class. Focus on your breath during yoga. Only on your breath... Allow your yoga practice to be

a moving flowing "meditative" dance focusing on the breath."

Of course. The breath. Simple as that. Once again, I had gotten so caught up in how poorly I was doing and had forgotten the most basic step: breathing.

 

After that, the final classes of the week were much easier. I didn't make huge leaps in my form or depth, but it was ok -- I was breathing and just letting my body do what it could.

 

Saturday, May 30 was Day 60. I took the day off so I wouldn't have to stress about getting to class after work. It was a good class for me -- I took it a bit easy but I did quite well (my balance was really good that day). Our visiting instructor, J, informed the assembled of my challenge and everyone applauded. She asked, "How do you feel?"

 

I was still trying to collect myself and as I tried to catch my breath, everyone giggled a bit.

 

"I feel better than I did 60 days ago.", I said. 

 

The next day, there I was, back at the studio. J was teaching again.

 

"61?", she asked.

 

"Not ready to stop.", I replied.

 

I haven't stopped yet. 

 

You see, for the first thirty days, the idea was: do I have the physical capabilities to go day after day?

The next thirty days, the idea was: am I mentally strong enough to go every day?

 

The answer is yes to both questions. Yet, I still feel there is more to come. You see, every so often over the last two weeks, I've gotten a glimpse of something in my mind. A glimpse of change. How miniscule or profound that change is, I know not. So, the challenge continues. My stated goal is now 100 classes in 100 days. I think I owe it to myself to find out if these glimpses portend something real and attainable, or if they are mere mirages. That said, I draw the line at 100 days. There can be such a thing as too much yoga.

 

It might mean nothing.

 

It might mean everything.

Stay tuned.

Namaste.

  

Thoughts at Halfway

Saturday, May 2

No yoga today, and if I'm honest, I'm thankful for that. 

I have made it halfway through my sixty day challenge -- actually I'm on 31 classes. Wednesday's single class was followed by a double on Thursday to reach 30 classes in 30 days. That was followed by a 5:30AM class on Friday morning (necessary because I was on assignment and had a 64 mile commute that day). That meant that I had completed three classes in 14.5 hours. All three classes were actually pretty good. The surprising part was how flexible I was in the morning class where I am usually not very bendy... Needless to say, however, by the time I got home last night I was toast. I slept very well (almost too well -- I overslept by a few minutes but made it to work on time this morning).

So, I thought about sharing a few tidbits at the halfway point. 

1) This is more difficult than I remember. 

Of course it's been almost six years since my first go round with this yoga, and that first year I did two challenges that summer. At 47 things progress just a tad more slowly than at 41. 

2) I am more mindful of form. 

In the past, I would alter a pose or alter the entrance into a pose just to "look right". I didn't want to be the fat guy or the old guy who couldn't perform a pose. I was a "poser" of sorts (pardon the pun). Now, I'm far more interested in entering and exiting the postures correctly and safely. Thirty classes in and I'm seeing true results. 

Example: In Hands-to-Feet, I almost got my hands behind my heels on Friday morning. Actually I did get my hands in the right place for just half a second (just long enough to have one of those 'I am a yogi!' moments. Now, I don't sit out Triangle nearly as often, and if I fall out, I try to get back in a lot more often. My practice has become more meaningful to me. 

3) ALWAYS HAVE A SPARE COSTUME!

Somewhere around class 15 or 16, I had one of those "Oh No" moments. We had just finished Standing Head-to-Knee and I was adjusting my shorts (simple drawstring gym/basketball shorts) when I heard a worrying "SNAP" and felt my shorts go slack. 

"Uh-oh. Please, God, no."

I tugged at the waist and surprisingly, the was resistance. I figured that if I kept REALLY STILL and could get through Standing Bow without incident, I would continue.  I did, and I did, and once we got to the floor, I had no worries. Turns out that the string had held by one single strand. Now, there is always a backup pair of shorts in my bag!

4) You find support where you did not expect. 

As more of my fellow students and instructors have learned of my challenge, the response has been so positive I just can't believe it. When I walk in the studio or the locker room, people say:

"What day are you on?"

"You doing OK?"

"That is great! Keep going!"

The support really helps. 

Your challenge can, in turn, inspire others. For example, my work study partner showed up unexpectedly on Thursday for my 30th class. She had previously said she couldn't make it. When I asked her what changed, she replied simply:

"You encouraged me."

By the way, if you recall, she had to start her challenge eight days after me because of illness. She is somewhere in the mid20s and catching up. More inspiration!!

So there we are. A quiet Saturday evening has passed into a brilliant Sunday morning. Back at it today, then another tough stretch from Monday to Wednesday: three work shifts, two cleaning shifts, and another 5:30AM class on Tuesday as I'm on assignment again with another long commute. In addition, there will be three, maybe four more doubles before this challenge concludes because of my work schedule. As I recall from my previous challenges, classes 30 through 50 were really tough. You're deep into this thing, and there seems to be no end; no light at the end of the tunnel.

Yet. 

Just need to focus on the next class.

The next posture.

The next breath. 

Have a great week!!!

Namaste. 

Challenges

So it's been over a month since a proper post. A difficult time. Last time I wrote about being overwhelmed by nearly every aspect of life. My practice was, to be kind, in disrepair. Insomnia reigned, and emotional eating was the norm. 

Now, one month on, things have at least settled a bit. One major stressor has been dealt with, but much healing remains to be done. Things that were strained or broken are being worked on, though there is no guarantee they can be properly fixed. My body still hurts. My emotions are still jumbled. Concentration and discipline are out there, somewhere. 

Over the last two weeks , I seriously considered putting my yoga practice on hiatus, if not quitting altogether. It wasn't fun anymore. Everything hurt. My body refused to work with me. I would leave class with my nerves shot, fighting off tears and emotions. I would dash across the street and comfort myself with a double cheeseburger. Or two. When riding the bus to work, I would indulge in donuts, breakfast croissants, and sausage rolls from a bakery on the bus route. When driving, there was always an extra stop for a burger or a soda. 

The result? Pounds packed on. No hydration. Muscles that refused to stretch or relax. An expanded belly that prohibits any forward fold (the fat pushes up against my lungs and I freak out because I cannot breath).

So, there I was last night at the studio, asking for a 30 day challenge chart. 

Would you run that by me again, please?

That's right. Instead of quitting, I committed to thirty straight days of yoga. 

Why?

First, I need the discipline. When you know that you will be going to class EVERY day, you will treat your body better. Loads more water. Less coffee. Veggies. No illicit trips for junk food. 

Second, I need the peace and quiet of the room. When the door closes, no one can hurt me. No one can get in my brain and put their feet up on the furniture, so to speak. I can work on quieting the voices in my head. I can try to FOCUS again. 

Finally, I am doing this simply to see if I CAN still do this. When I started my practice six years ago, I was so enamored of this yoga and its benefits that I did two 60 day challeges back to back. Lost 45 pounds but gained so much more in happiness, pride, and health. 

I want those feelings back. And more. 

Last night was class number one. It wasn't much better than any class in the past two months. That's ok. It doesn't happen overnight. A little better each day. The best part about last night's class came afterwards. When I told my work-study partner about the challenge, her eyes lit up and she asked, "Want me to do it with you? I will have to take mostly morning classes but we can text each other every day. Keep each other honest.  Cheer each other on."

And that is why I keep coming back to yoga. Even when you think you are alone on the path, you're really not. Whether your mat is next to mine or thousands of miles away, we truly are all in this together. 

Namaste. 

Double Feature, Double Trouble

I was browsing through the Documentary section of Netflix a while back and my attention was drawn to the title Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead. Released in 2010, the description read, "Two men whose bodies have been trashed by steroids, obesity, and illness, document their rigorous healing path in a bid to regain their health". I thought that it might be interesting to watch, saved it to my list, and went to bed. Last night, I watched the film. When it was over, I watched it again. Then I watched it again this morning.

Oh. My. 

Joe Cross is an Aussie who skipped college, made his fortune in business, and enjoyed the fruits of his labor -- so much so that at, in his early 40s, he was morbidly obese and suffered from a rare condition in which his body's histamine reaction had gone haywire. He went to a number of physicians, specialists, "... even a witch doctor...", as he says, looking for relief. He found none. 

So what does he do? He goes to New York City for 30 days, armed with a juicer and a goal. Under a doctor's supervision, Joe goes on a 30-day juice fast. Three large glasses of green juice each day. That's it. No solid food at all. His reasoning: juicing allows one to get a higher amount of nutrients than by attempting to eat the large amounts of fruit and veg that it takes to make the juice. In essence, your body is supercharged with vitamins and minerals, and is spared the trouble of having the body work to break down the food. 

The results were amazing. In thirty days Joe dropped 47 pounds! In addition, his dosage of Prednisone, prescribed for his condition, was cut from 15mg to 7.5 mg. Over the next thirty days, Joe continues his juice fast, or "reboot" as he calls it, while making his way across the country. In Iowa, he convinces a woman who suffered from constant migraines to try the fast for 10 days, with great success. As he travels, though, most of the people he meets aren't really interested in his ideas. Some say they don't have the willpower. Some (who have already had health problems) say that they aren't concerned about their diet ("I'll eat what I want..."). Only a few think that this plan might work for them. In Arizona, Joe meets Phil, a long haul trucker with the same rare condition. Joe convinces him to try the juice and pledges to help him in anyway he can. Phil doesn't take him up on it and they part. 

Six months later, Phil contacts Joe and asks for help. Joe flies back to the US and sets Phil up on the plan. We follow Phil on his journey and literally watch a man bring himself back to life! It is an amazing film -- one I highly recommend that you watch. 

After watching that, I looked in the "also recommended" section and came across  Hungry For Change. Since it listed Joe in the credits, I hit play. This film details how major food producers use science and marketing to convince us to buy their products. It discusses how our modern lifestyle, in many instances, is leading us to early graves. It also details the weight loss journeys of several people who were once obese but reversed their conditions by eschewing processed foods for a more natural diet. It is another fantastic documentary and I think everyone needs to see both of these films.

Why am I writing about them?

Well, for one, I work for one of the largest supermarket chains in the nation. As such, part of my job (even in my department, Dairy) entails stocking and merchandising processed foods. Flavored milks, cream cheeses, refrigerated dough, yogurt, the lot. While I'm no longer a huge user of these products (since my girlfriend has Celiac Disease, most processed foods are off the board), I rely on selling those items to pay my bills. It does affect me when I see someone pushing a cart full of frozen pizzas, canned soups, chips, cookies, and gallons of sugar laden drinks. The feeling is even worse when there are kids in or around the cart. Do they have much of a chance to learn healthy habits?

The other reason I have chosen to write about this does actually pertain to my yoga practice.

I love being able to practice yoga. It has meant a lot for me. True, I lost 45 lbs by doing back to back 60 day challenges in my first year of practicing. True, after a lot of struggle, I believe I have smoked my last cigarette. True, through this blog I have re-discovered my joy for writing (no matter what the quality).

The films, however, brought out something that I must finally learn to face and conquer: my own diet.

Just today, I've had processed breakfast cereal (two bowls), four cups of coffee with processed non-dairy creamer, two 12oz processed sodas, a bacon-cheeseburger and fries (I was traveling and stopped at a roadside joint), two gas station taquitos, a handful of graham crackers, and one forlorn liter of water.

Not good, eh?

At work, it gets worse. In the break room there is almost an endless procession of pre-made, heavily processed sandwiches, cakes, cupcakes, and donuts. When there is some type of gathering, it's pizza or nachos or ice-cream sundaes. Even before I get to work, there is the daily ritual of a 20oz. coffee. And a burrito. Or two. With hash browns.

So, while I'm a guy who does yoga, I'm also a guy who has no willpower and is back on the road to obesity just as my mom was along with her father and brother. When I first started, I was so much more disciplined than I am now. I don't know what happened. and it is really fucking hard right now to right the ship. I must find a way because I do not need diabetes, broken hips, or cancer to deal with. Watching those films struck a chord  -- now I must find a way to build on that. I don't want to do yoga just to say "I do yoga". I want it to be a cornerstone of a healthier, happier life.


Peace.