I have managed to get to five classes in since my last post. It has been a tough week... so much so that I left early during two of them. The pattern was pretty much the same. I would have trouble standing on one leg... horrible balance. Triangle pose would only be a rumor. My hips would hurt terribly and every move would be uncomfortable to sat the least. Then, the heat and humidity would lay me out on my mat, and then it was just a matter of time until I would look for a chance to head for the door. Tuesday was the worst night. Things fell apart so fast... I was down for the count before long before Triangle... I panicked and left somewhere right after Spine Strengthening, and as I cooled down I considered whether or not I was really cut out for Bikram Yoga anymore. I told my instructor of my thoughts, and she silenced me immediately: "You are certainly made for this!! You are Mark!! You are a yogi!!"
As I have said before, I am not looking to be a famous, world champion yogi. I just want to be healthy and happy. Later, I took a longer look at the last few days. I have not eaten well every day. On Tuesday, for example, it was 2 peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and 2 liters of water. When at work it is not always possible to eat or get enough fluids in, and it has been tough for me to drink enough water anywhere. I just haven't been that thirsty, unlike when we were doing Challenges and I was easily drinking 4 or 5 liters each day. Add allergies to the equation plus the occasional cigarette (I know, I Know, I KNOW...) and I have not treated my body well lately. It has often been said that your practice is a mirror of your life outside the room. I don't like what I see... so much so that it was difficult to stare at my own two eyes in the room.
Today's class brought new hope. I am still having a really hard time keeping my balance...my legs just shook today. However, I got through three out of four sides in Triangle, but had difficulty in SSL Head to Knee. Really, my standing set was better than in weeks! I started to lose it on the floor, though... Cobra, Locust, and Full Locust were very hard as my back felt really weak. I sat out Camel and Rabbit, and Head to Knee Stretching and Spine Twist were pretty half-hearted, but I stayed in for the duration.
Lessons? Many. Diet. Hydration. Self-confidence. I must work on all of these.
One of the themes of late at the studio has been, "Be happy about the postures you CAN do. Don't get down on yourself for the postures you cannot do. Each day is different and your body will be different. Honor yourself for being here and doing the best you can on that day."
Along those lines, the other mantra has been, "The only bad class you can have is the class you do not attend."
For me, it has been a reminder that I cannot half-ass my way through this process. I must stay focused and committed.
When is the next class?
My goal for 2011: 200 classes.
46 down, 154 to go