06 June 2013


This one will be short. No practice yet. Too many things going on. Seems as though neither Sweetie nor I will ever get back into practice. Not going to bore you with details, but I am proud to say that I haven't felt this good since leaving the hospital. It has been 99 days since I have had a cigarette, but if offered one right now, I can't swear I would refuse.

Anyhow, I do continue to read the blogs listed at right. In one of them, Bikram Butterflies , Kerry writes of her struggles and how it has helped her learn acceptance. Perhaps that is my issue. I've talked and talked ad nauseam about how badly I want to return to the hot room, to work on me again, to get back to where I was. Maybe I need to just be quiet and accept things for what they are and trust that the worm will turn eventually and my practice -- our practice -- will resume.

Problem: In my mind, I equate accepting with settling or giving up or setting aside.

Am I wrong?

If I stop trying and working and planning to achieve a goal, if I accept that I cannot return to practice, I'm giving up, right? That is the last thing I want to do.

I really don't know what else to say. I learned to love yoga. I miss it. I miss writing about it.

Perhaps I need to learn acceptance.




  1. Oh Mark, I kind of want to give you a hug! I think there's a wide difference between accepting something and giving up. The difference (for me) is the motivation behind it.

    So if you're sick/injured, or you work nights, or you can't find a babysitter, or you have any other situation where you physically can't get to class? The best thing you can do is learn to accept it. Work on what you can to shorten the period (healing the injury, finding a new job, etc), but just fretting about missing yoga in the meantime will only make you unhappy. Best to just do what you can and accept the situation for what it is.

    The hard part is when you theoretically COULD get to class, but you don't. For me, this is usually because I'm too busy/tired/stiff/etc. But when I dig down, I find that I'm not "too busy for class," I'm just choosing to prioritise time with friends or doing chores over yoga. "Too tired/stiff" is generally tied up with ego - I suspect I'm not going to have a rockstar class, so I avoid going at all. And my other big one: "I haven't been in sooooo long" is all about fear. Fear of sucking, fear of seeing how far I've fallen, fear of just spending the class laying on my mat - out of breath and out of energy.

    The thing is, none of those are necessarily BAD things. They're all totally valid reasons to skip class. Mind you, so is "I want to lie on the couch and watch TV." The trick is deciding whether or not you want to change those priorities.

    So here's my tl;dr: If you can't physically get to class right now, try to learn to accept it. Fretting will just make you unhappy; it won't change a bloody thing.

    But if you COULD get to class with a few changes in priorities, then examine your options. Any choice you make is okay, but it's important to acknowledge where those choices are coming from.

    And remember that when you do finally make it back to the hot room? It'll be waiting for you. And you'll feel like you've come home.

    1. Kerry: Thank you for your response. You make a great deal of sense. I remain hopeful of getting back ASAP, but I do have to accept that, for now, it is not possible. I don't like it, but that's the way it is. However, I WILL GET BACK THERE, and it will be glorious!!


  2. Wow, what wise words bikrambutterflies! It makes more sense for me seeing it written that way.

    Mark, I haven't kept up with reading your blog (or anyone's) lately, until now. Such a journey for you; first off, I'm glad to hear that you are doing better than you were a few months ago.

    I see now from reading that "acceptance" is something that is practiced, and that it takes some "letting go," rather than "giving up."

    I could also learn this. We all have our struggles; I'm still struggling with myself psychically and mentally; my dedication and love with the hot room, and I so greatly want it back.

    I hope you continue your journey with more acceptance for yourself.

    Best of luck,

    1. Lisa: I'm glad to hear from you! I believe you crystallized Kerry's thoughts perfectly. There is a difference between letting go and giving up, and I need to remember that. Accepting the current situation does not mean waving a white flag. I need to remember that as well. I'll get back there, and so will you!

      Sending good thoughts your way!