struggling

Only three classes since my last post. They have been so-so. Tuesday's class actually started out great... felt really strong at first... actually completed both sets of Triangle! Then the truck hit me in Tree Pose. Made it through but it was really hard. Had to be close to 120 in the room at one point despite the fact that our instructor cracked the doors open three different times. It has been so freaking hot here -- everyday 100 degrees or more outside.

So, how have I been handling my lack of yoga? Not well. Cigarettes have once again been my friend. I've been eating horribly -- junk food and fast food and eating at odd hours and eating when I'm not hungry and never enough water. I'm sore and tired and all I want to do is sleep.

Put succinctly, I'm struggling.

I'm going to class tonight, but only because I was asked to take another work-study shift tonight. Usually, I look forward to going. Now, however, I find that I am fighting the inertia from not going as much as I would like. I'm going tonight, and I hope to squeeze in a class tomorrow. Then, thankfully, I am on vacation for a week. I hope that it will be a time of rest and recommitting to my practice.

My yoga goal for next week: 7 days, 9 classes -- meaning two doubles.

My other goals for next week: no smoking, no junk food. Fruits and veggies and lots of water and juice -- no coffee.

I plan to go get my blood pressure and weight measured on Saturday, then on the following Saturday.

I am also looking into going to an acupuncture clinic next week... I'll let you know more if that comes to pass.

I am tired, bloated (OK, fat), and I'm not very happy with myself... after nearly two years of practice, I should be so much farther down the road than I am.

I read blogs from other practitioners and I am in awe of their accomplishments... especially those who have just begun their journeys as Bikram instructors. Well done to all of you! Through them I see how lives can be changed with a lot of work and sweat... and a few tears. I do not know if I will ever be a teacher, but I do understand that I am the only one who can transform myself into a better person. No one can do it for me. The only way to get started (or re-started) is to get off my ass and take a step forward.

Begin, please.

Inhale....


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UPDATE: With three hours before class, the temperature is currently 104!!! It will definitely be a very warm chamber tonight!! Also, came across a website with nothing but Bikram Yoga videos -- posture tutorials, news videos, and more. Click on the "Bikram Yoga Videos" link on the right side of the page. Sweet!!