Eye of the Beholder

After a 10 day stretch where I was unable  to make it to the studio, I was able to take class this morning. I really didn't want to go... I was so tired last night that I woke up on the couch at 3:30 AM. Then, I could not go back to sleep. Finally at 7:10 I decided to make the 8:00 class. As I drove to the studio, I thought to myself, "This one is really gonna hurt...".

It didn't disappoint. 

Right from the off, it was hard. I couldn't reach my heels or lock my knees in the first set of Hands-to-Feet. I heard and felt several pops in Awkward. I had no sort of balance in Bow or Balancing Stick -- in fact I simply stood during second set of stick as a wave of jealousy and self loathing came over me as I could see the people in front if me do those postures AND do them well. Since it was the first class of the day, the carpet was completely dry, which meant I had no traction and kept sliding out of Triangle as well as the postures before and after. I sat out most of those, staring down at my mat and chewing myself out in my head. Because my right knee is still an issue, even Tree was difficult, and Toestand was out of the question. 

It wasn't all bad. I was able to press back up out of part three of Awkward for the first time since I hurt my knee. Cobra and Full Locust were really strong, and I had the best Floor Bow since resuming practice. All in all, though, I thought the entire class was just not that good. At least, not as good as I've had before. 

So, imagine my shock after class, when the instructor said, "Good work, Mark!! Your postures are really starting to open up. You did so well!". 

I was in a bit of shock. "It felt horrible in there. I have not been here in ten days and I felt like I was in quicksand in there."

She said,"Well, you know it's difficult when you have had a layoff or when you have an issue. But you did really well in there. Have a great day!". 

My mood changed instantly. I let myself decide that it would be rough, so when I started to encounter resistance in my postures, I let it affect my perception of the class as a whole. Another reminder that our minds can fool us into a negative thought pattern when, if we really examine the issue, it's sometimes better than we think it is. 

It really depends on the eye of the beholder. 

Ready for another go tomorrow.

Namaste.