Still At It

Sorry it's been so long, friends. 

This is going to be very "stream-of-conciousness". When I get a little more time, I'll delve a bit deeper. 

That said, let's catch up:

I did complete the challenge in the allotted sixty days, but it was close. I completed the final 14 classes in 10 days. My classes ranged from horrid to mediocre at best. Back spasms hindered me most of the way. I really considered giving up with three days to go, but I just couldn't allow myself to do that. 

Last year, after 60 days, I was feeling really good about myself and my practice. I had really advanced in many postures: kicking out in Standing Head to Knee, holding both sets of Standing Bow, holding all four Triangles, things like that. This year? Not so much. On a good day I can hold Bow or (if it's a REALLY good day) hold 3 of four Triangles. Kicking out in SH2K is impossible. Grabbing my heels in Hands to Feet is impossible. ANY forward bend is impossible. My "Buddha belly" has stayed put, if not grown. I kept a food diary for eight days... I lost count of trips for fast food (McD mostly). I've begun packing my own lunch, and eating a better breakfast. Also, I'm trying a new multivitamin. Some days it goes well. Some days not. This morning I had cereal for breakfast but on the way to work I stopped for coffee... And a bacon/egg/cheese biscuit and hash browns... 

In the room, I find I'm getting overwhelmed more easily -- especially if the room is crowded. I get nervous, my pulse quickens, and it becomes very difficult to stay calm and keep up. I can't tell you how many times I've hit the floor and stayed. One night the instructor knelt beside me and whispered: "You know you can get back in." But I couldn't. I feel old. I feel like I'm out of step. I feel like I don't belong there anymore. 

And despite all of that, I keep going. 

I've decided I'm simply going to keep at it until I get it right or I'm so fed up that I quit. 

So it's off to the studio: Day 71, Class 70. 

Peace. 

Starting Again. Again.

Well here we are. Time to bid November adieu. The holidays are nigh upon us and a new year is on the horizon. After such a strong start to my yoga year, my practice ground to a complete halt. Long days at work and little sleep have resulted in only six classes since Halloween, and none in the past twelve days. I haven't missed a cleaning shift in all that time, but many nights I have opted to stay home and nap during class before going in to tidy things up. In addition my weight has kept rising. I'm up to 258 lbs. Morning trips to the donut shop, pizza rolls or burritos for lunch, and lots of coffee and soda to wash it all down. 

I look horrible  I feel worse. 

I did stop down and visit my doctor for some blood work. I haven't had a physical since high school but the doc ordered blood tests in lieu of a full work up. Fortunately everything is in order, but it won't stay that way if I stay on this path. 

However, as Bikram says, "You’re never too old, never too bad, never too late and never too sick to start from the scratch once again."

So, I'm starting again. Again. 

Back in the room tonight. 

I am dreading it. 

Namaste. 

Epilogue: I bailed out at Savasana. I couldn't keep my arms up, nor could I bend forward, nor could I hold my balance. It was comical. Oh, well. There is tomorrow. I think.