09 May 2016

Still At It

Sorry it's been so long, friends. 

This is going to be very "stream-of-conciousness". When I get a little more time, I'll delve a bit deeper. 

That said, let's catch up:

I did complete the challenge in the allotted sixty days, but it was close. I completed the final 14 classes in 10 days. My classes ranged from horrid to mediocre at best. Back spasms hindered me most of the way. I really considered giving up with three days to go, but I just couldn't allow myself to do that. 

Last year, after 60 days, I was feeling really good about myself and my practice. I had really advanced in many postures: kicking out in Standing Head to Knee, holding both sets of Standing Bow, holding all four Triangles, things like that. This year? Not so much. On a good day I can hold Bow or (if it's a REALLY good day) hold 3 of four Triangles. Kicking out in SH2K is impossible. Grabbing my heels in Hands to Feet is impossible. ANY forward bend is impossible. My "Buddha belly" has stayed put, if not grown. I kept a food diary for eight days... I lost count of trips for fast food (McD mostly). I've begun packing my own lunch, and eating a better breakfast. Also, I'm trying a new multivitamin. Some days it goes well. Some days not. This morning I had cereal for breakfast but on the way to work I stopped for coffee... And a bacon/egg/cheese biscuit and hash browns... 

In the room, I find I'm getting overwhelmed more easily -- especially if the room is crowded. I get nervous, my pulse quickens, and it becomes very difficult to stay calm and keep up. I can't tell you how many times I've hit the floor and stayed. One night the instructor knelt beside me and whispered: "You know you can get back in." But I couldn't. I feel old. I feel like I'm out of step. I feel like I don't belong there anymore. 

And despite all of that, I keep going. 

I've decided I'm simply going to keep at it until I get it right or I'm so fed up that I quit. 

So it's off to the studio: Day 71, Class 70.