it’s time to start healing...

Hello.

My name is Mark.

If you are new to this blog, welcome.
For those of you who have followed in the past, welcome back.

It has been a little over one year that my Bikram studio closed. At the time, my personal practice was in disarray. Every class was a struggle. I felt weak. Exhausted. Empty. Simply to stay in the room seemed impossible. I was in a bad place, in my practice, at home. Everywhere.

In the interim months there were long nights, hard decisions, and so many tears.
My significant other and I reached an impasse in our relationship. The reasons are not important, and there is no value in recounting the events that transpired. Suffice it to say that I had given everything I could, and separating myself from her was as much an act of self preservation as it was desperation.
I was broken, broke, and in despair. So after almost 18 years, we parted ways once and for all. By the final week of September, she had moved away, and I had moved into my new accommodations. It is now just myself and two of my three kitties... my best buddy, Pumpkin, passed away in July. Oh, and just for an extra dose of stress, I turned 50 at the beginning of November. I felt used up... old... worn out.

As far as yoga goes, there were a scant few yin classes at my friend Ali’s studio. There were also a couple of workshops on food and healing, and a discussion of the chakras that was extremely interesting. Ali and her husband, James, are top flight instructors, and just the nicest people you would ever want to know. Ali even led a Fundamentals of Yoga workshop: footwork,  beginning poses, a little theory. All of these were awesome, and I enjoyed being in the studio whenever I could.
But, it is across town and if traffic is bad it is difficult to get there. Plus, no matter how much I enjoyed the classes, I missed the heat. Missed it badly. I despaired of ever getting back into a hot room.

So, there I was... single for the first time in almost two decades. Trying to figure out how I was going to pay for a place to live, a new car (we had one car and it was hers), and how to start healing a damaged heart and soul. My grocery store job would not pay the way. I knew I would need a second job.

About the time that I told my soon to be ex that I was ready to move on (late June), I got a message from the former front desk manager at the studio. He told me that he was working to get the studio up and running again and that he wanted me to come back.

My heart raced... I was so pumped. The idea of being able to use the yoga to help me recover from this broken relationship was too good to be true. As I began the process of ending things, I kept waiting and waiting for more news. Finally, near the end of August, I couldn’t wait any longer. I told him I wanted in and that I had to have a paid position and explained why (in the two previous iterations of the studio, I was a work-study participant). He answered that he needed front desk staff, that I was at the top of the list, and that I would get all the hours I could handle. His target date to open was during the first week of October. I was ecstatic!

As I waited for word to report to the studio. I got on with the business of living in this brave new world of being a single man again. Unpacking and organizing my tiny little duplex apartment (500 sq ft), getting the cats used to the new digs, and learning to be alone again. There were a lot of sleepless nights, a lot of anger and tears, and a good bit of beer and whiskey. Then there was my diet. Many days my breakfast was Starbucks, lunch was McDonalds or Church’s Fried Chicken, and dinner was a large Domino’s Pizza and 3-4 beers. I generally ate the entire pizza in one sitting. I went to my doctor for my annual blood work and she immediately asked if I knew why my cholesterol levels had spiked. When I told her what was going on she said, “Ok. I get it. But you need to get that under control now. I don’t want to put you on meds... You have to get this under control. You know what to do. So do it.” For the most part, I have been good, but I still have a beer every so often and fast food has crept in from time to time. I am learning how to prep meals for 4-5 days at a time. Lots of soups, roasted vegetables, lean proteins, and salads. Lots of salads. It’s a work in progress.

Meanwhile back at the studio, there were delays. October slipped away, taking with it the last of my savings. I had to borrow from family to stay afloat, and I was ready to give in and take a job elsewhere. Finally I got word that we would open on November 6. During the final week of October I helped assemble furniture for the guest quarters and began to learn the software we use at the studio.

Then, it happened. The door was unlocked and we were off and running. So many yoga friends. Friends, fellow students, instructors... it was a reunion. That first evening behind the desk was head spinning but so much fun. My job is simple. Check in clients. Sign up new clients. Provide mats and towels. We have a small selections of mats, towels, and women’s yoga gear on sale. When class begins I lock the doors, catch up paperwork, and then freshen up the changing rooms and do laundry. After the final class of the day, I clean the studio if I have no work-study students that night. It might seem like a lot but it isn’t. I work four nights a week plus all day Sunday at the studio. This means 14-15 hour days when I work at the store then clock out and hustle to the studio for the two evening classes (this is where the meal prep pays off). The days are long, but I have found that I feel so good when I leave the studio at night because I’m helping people resume (or discover) their yoga practice. That feels good.

November seems to have flown by. Little by little our yoga family is reuniting. We have had three classes Mon-Fri and two classes on the weekends... all 90 minute Bikram classes. Next week we roll out 60 minute classes in the early mornings and at lunchtime. It’s about to get busy... fingers crossed!

I did not get to practice until the second week the studio was open. When I finally walked in that room and set up my mat just so, I took a long look around. New owners. New role for myself. New chapter in my life. Even a brand new floor beneath my feet. I took a deep breath and whispered to myself:

“I’m home. It’s time to start healing.”

Peace.