19 November 2016

Here. We Go. Again.

The third Saturday in November and Autumn has finally reached North Texas. A definite chill is in the air. Long overdue. I should feel rejuvenated. Refreshed. Renewed.

Today, however, I am heartsick.

Went to class last night. Good and hot. Started strong but faded near the end. Given the recent state of my practice, it actually felt good. I was looking forward to the next class.

Late last night, I received a message from the studio owner.:

"I'm closing the studio tomorrow. Would love if you could take my last class at 10."

I stared at the screen, momentarily stunned.

"What?" was the only response I could muster.

I could see she was typing a response, and then it hit me, and I understood. I took a deep breath, thanked her for allowing me to be a part of the studio, and gave my love.

This afternoon there was a message on the app, and an email in my box. Dwindling attendance combined with her steadfast refusal to violate the integrity of Bikram Yoga by offering 60 minute classes meant that keeping the studio open was no longer viable. She held true to her beliefs to the end. It was a heartfelt, sad letter, and I feel empty right now. Not only because I will miss the practice itself, but there are a lot of people that I will see little of, if at all, for now. As part of work-study, the studio was also my main social outlet, and a place where I could be alone with myself when everyone else had departed and it was just me, my music, and my mop. Sometimes I would sit in the hot room alone, in the dark, and just let go. Shed more than one tear in there.

So, once again, I am a "yogi" looking for a home.

The plan: go to my Yin class tomorrow. The rest of the week, I will be working (including Thanksgiving Day). After that, I have nine days off, during which I hope to check out a few studios -- some hot, some not -- and see what works  Then I will figure out how to pay for it. I can't wait around for a year plus like last time. Just can't.

Namasté.



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