Nothing Works

It is Day 33 of my current Bikram Yoga Challenge. I have completed 28 classes (pending tonight's class).

One month in and the returns are not good. 

I am a mess. My practice is absolutely dreadful. My body refuses to cooperate. My mind is on strike. I go in that room and capitulate. Give up. Every damn day is a 50-70 minute Savasana. Seriously. My shoulders ache in Half-Moon and I quit the posture. I fall out of the second part of Awkward because I cannot balance on my toes and I quit the posture. I fall out of the third part of Awkward and crumble to the floor and I quit the posture. I fall out of Eagle, Standing Head to Knee, and Balancing Stick, and I quit the postures. 

Maybe I should rename this thing to "Quit The Posture". 

On top of that I seem to be prone to freak injury.  While the earlier hip problem has healed, I hurt an upper back muscle last week simply by sneezing. You read that right. It has yet to lessen because every damn time I sneeze I seem to hurt it again. How fucking ridiculous is that?

Nothing is working for me. Patience hasn't worked. Slowing things down hasn't worked. Silent berating (not berating so much as calling myself every name in the book) hasn't worked. I walk in there and collapse, again and again and again. There seems no end. The class is the same. The room is the same. The heat is the same. Some of the instructors are different, but that's a given. It's not the room or the heat or the person on the podium. It's me. And I've no idea what to do. 

I looked back at the post I wrote after thirty days last year. It reads much the same as this one (and somehow I'm not surprised). That said, it seems I had more hope or patience last year... More faith that this was going to work out. 

Not this time. Not yet anyway. It just feels so much different this time around. Worse. It doesn't help that I've become Jekyll/Hyde with my food habits. Juicing fruits and veg is delicious, but early donut and late night fast food trips render any benefits useless. After class last Sunday, I had to stop at McD's and scarf two double cheeseburgers on my way home. That was followed by a giant take-out burrito for dinner. Not good. 

At any rate I must get to the room today. I'm already four classes behind and it wouldn't be a good idea to fall further back. That would give rise to thoughts of abandoning the challenge. I can't let that happen. Just can't. 

Peace.