Stuck

Quite a long time since I wrote, but I'm keeping this one short. September was a long, cruel, difficult month. So many things happening. So much energy expended, so little gained, so much time and effort for others. None for myself. And it shows. 

Last week I got my yearly flu shot. For some reason, they decided to weigh me before getting the vaccine. 247.6 pounds. Oh dear Lord, it was worse than I thought. Too many late night meals, all the daily trips to the donut shop, all the pre-processed fast food. I can't recall the last healthy meal I had. 

My yoga practice had become equally poor. After 101 straight days of yoga, I have taken exactly 30 classes in the last 83 days. None of those classes could be described as good. In fact at least three of them ended within 30 minutes. My worst class lasted 90 seconds. At the first inhale of Pranayama, I started coughing uncontrollably and had to leave the room. You read it right. That class lasted 90 seconds. I have no strength, balance, or flexibility anymore -- it's truly is as though I was back to that first day six years ago. I don't have any faith in myself and I spend long stretches of class sitting or laying out. I've considered resigning my work study position and giving up my practice. Seriously. 

I'm stuck. I don't know where to turn or which way to go. 

Be well.