Eye of the Beholder

After a 10 day stretch where I was unable  to make it to the studio, I was able to take class this morning. I really didn't want to go... I was so tired last night that I woke up on the couch at 3:30 AM. Then, I could not go back to sleep. Finally at 7:10 I decided to make the 8:00 class. As I drove to the studio, I thought to myself, "This one is really gonna hurt...".

It didn't disappoint. 

Right from the off, it was hard. I couldn't reach my heels or lock my knees in the first set of Hands-to-Feet. I heard and felt several pops in Awkward. I had no sort of balance in Bow or Balancing Stick -- in fact I simply stood during second set of stick as a wave of jealousy and self loathing came over me as I could see the people in front if me do those postures AND do them well. Since it was the first class of the day, the carpet was completely dry, which meant I had no traction and kept sliding out of Triangle as well as the postures before and after. I sat out most of those, staring down at my mat and chewing myself out in my head. Because my right knee is still an issue, even Tree was difficult, and Toestand was out of the question. 

It wasn't all bad. I was able to press back up out of part three of Awkward for the first time since I hurt my knee. Cobra and Full Locust were really strong, and I had the best Floor Bow since resuming practice. All in all, though, I thought the entire class was just not that good. At least, not as good as I've had before. 

So, imagine my shock after class, when the instructor said, "Good work, Mark!! Your postures are really starting to open up. You did so well!". 

I was in a bit of shock. "It felt horrible in there. I have not been here in ten days and I felt like I was in quicksand in there."

She said,"Well, you know it's difficult when you have had a layoff or when you have an issue. But you did really well in there. Have a great day!". 

My mood changed instantly. I let myself decide that it would be rough, so when I started to encounter resistance in my postures, I let it affect my perception of the class as a whole. Another reminder that our minds can fool us into a negative thought pattern when, if we really examine the issue, it's sometimes better than we think it is. 

It really depends on the eye of the beholder. 

Ready for another go tomorrow.

Namaste.

Playing Hurt

After the euphoria of eleven classes in ten days, it has been back to the grind of trying to make time for classes amidst the chaos of everyday life. Once again, four classes in a week is a treat; five classes in a week is an almost miraculous feat. Trying to get to (then get  through) class is tough enough when you are feeling pretty good. An injury adds even more challenges. 

I know. Last Friday, I was cleaning out the garage with Sweetie. After three hours, it was clean(er) and we were tired. I sat down I the couch for just a minute or two. When I moved to get up, I felt three distinct pops in my right knee I buckled and fell back to the couch. Ever since, I have to be careful how I bend it. I attempted class on Sunday with mixed results. The standing series was ok - I was surprised at how strong I was ( I could actually lock it out). Once on the floor, I was useless. Left the room at fixed firm because I couldn't bend the leg at all. Last night was little better - I fell out of Tree in an awkward fashion and hurt the knee again. I was completely useless on the floor because back spasms made everything hurt. So, I left early again. 

Sucked. 

Not sure what to do. Took tonight off but tomorrow is one of my cleaning nights. Should I leave it be and simply try to work around it? Get a brace or sleeve? Take a few more days off? 

I really want to take class but it might be better to rest it. I feel like I need to just go and be mindful of what I can and cannot do. If I can be really careful, I think I can do the entire class. I know this: after waiting so long to practice again, I'm aggravated that now I must deal with an injury of this sort. Time to work on acceptance again. 

If you have any ideas or have a similar story, feel free to email me at the address at the top of the page. 

Peace.